Friend's quality of life has been ruined by a drunk driver. She can't do any of the stuff she used to do and she's in a lot of pain. This is her new normal -- she will never be her old self again. I feel sad and helpless about it. Is there anything at all I can do for her? Specifics below.
A loved one was hit by a car about a year ago. We all hoped she would get back to "normal" but it's not happening. Her range of motion is still very limited and she suffers a great deal of pain. Basically, the accident severely damaged her back and neck. (See my previous question here
. Obviously, back then I didn't know this would be permanent.) Turning and bending her body is hard and even just sitting upright for a long time can become difficult. It appears this is her new "normal." Honestly, it breaks my heart. I am teary just typing this question. It's so hard to see someone I love struggle so much. Things she used to love to do -- bike riding, skiing, swimming, going to see plays, traveling and so many other things are either out of the question entirely or extremely hard for her. She will basically never work full time again. Her office has been very understanding and has let her work part-time from home, but she was once a very important person at her company of 20+ years and that is slipping away too. (Infuriatingly, what happened was 0% her fault. Some guy who had been drinking plowed through a solid red while she was crossing the street on her bike. We think police handled it poorly. So there is of course an element of outrage and injustice surrounding the whole thing too.)
The thing that kills me is I don't know how I can help. I tried to visit her and bring dinner and hang out because I know she is stuck at home a lot of the time, but now I have moved to the other side of the country and can't see her. I know she has been fighting hard to not let this situation caused her to become depressed. She still wakes up every morning and gets dressed and tries to live her life, but I know it's really hard. She can't really do very much. All I want is to make her feel better and I can't. I sent her an email and tried to express to her how much I care about her and miss her, but I know she really doesn't want pity and I don't know if she really wants to talk about how hard the situation is. I think it's easier if we still talk about normal things and be normal, even though she does offer updates about what doctors are saying or how her legal case is proceeding.
So, sorry for being so long, but basically does anyone have ideas on how I could make her life even 1% better or even 1% happier or give her 1% better quality of life? I feel so helpless and I feel so upset. All I want is to make it better and I can't. I can't give her her life back. It's hard to know that all the things she planned to do now that her kids had moved out and she had more time with her husband will never happen. Like I said, I don't think she wants pity and she already has a cleaning lady, for instance, that makes her life a bit easier. Is there anything I can do for her at all? I believe she is in physical therapy but it isn't helping. She's tried alternative therapies. And I don't think she actually needs money anyway. If there was something I could do to make her life easier, or better or make her feel more loved, I would like to try to do something.
Honestly, words don't express how shitty about feel about the whole thing. Is there anything at all I can do? Thanks.