Nooope. Not going through this again.
April 22, 2014 8:32 AM Subscribe
Actively dreading an upcoming date -- probably not a good sign, right? What's the best way to proceed?
posted by cucumber patch to Human Relations (28 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
He's a friend of a friend and I met him a week ago at their weekly pub night. We hung out with the group that night and he invited me to hang with another group of friends the night after. Right from the start we were weirdly PDA and physically close (yay, alcohol!) but I didn't feel like we connected that much one-on-one when we were just talking. Some talk was made about catching up later in the week, but no date set. So I was completely meh about it until one or two days after, when my dumb brain kicked in and went "hey, why hasn't he texted you? Why aren't you guys chatting? If he were into you he'd totally be texting you!" And, because I have issues (that I'm working on!), lukewarm/zero demonstrations of interest from a guy are still like catnip to me, and now I have done a dumb thing, which is plan a meetup when I'm really not feeling it.
He did text to invite me out the day before, but it was very casual ("I'll generally be around X if you want to join me") and he failed to give me any sort of time frame, and then ended up not being able to make time at all, asking if he could see me in a few days after he got back from the country (without suggesting anything specific). Given how lukewarm he seemed, at this point I thought I would give him an out by, paradoxically, actually proposing a date for when he got back. I was expecting him to politely back out, but to my surprise he agreed.
It was passive aggressive on my part and I'm not proud of it. Ordinarily I would just go on the date and see what shakes out, but this whole situation has already set off my panic buttons, and I'm getting the kind of socially anxious heebie-jeebies that I haven't gotten in years. I know it's just for coffee. But I'm not 100% or even 70% emotionally healthy right now, I've already obsessed over this too much to come back from it (it hasn't even been a WEEK, I'm pretty sure we don't even get along) -- I don't have a good feeling about this and I can't deal with having unrequited feelings again right now. I'm tired of the 'what-if's and not willing to bank on the 0.0001% chance that he's just busy/shy/taking it slow/not into texting, and maybe something magical will happen and we'll turn out to be perfect for each other. I'm not looking for anything casual. So... I would really like to cancel this date.
Should I be honest and tell him I'm just not feeling it? Or cite some other commitment? I honestly feel crappy cancelling given that I suggested it, so maybe I should just go. :I I know this situation could have been handled much better, but like I feel like I'm still climbing out of a mental rut right now. Any advice would be appreciated. FWIW, we're both early-mid 20s.