How do I get over driving fears?

October 25, 2005 3:06 AM

I live in L.A. I'm terrified of, and suck at, driving; can I improve?

I had two bad accidents (no injuries, thankfully) early after I started driving, and since then I've only been able to learn a few routes by rote. I'm afraid to explore, or even take the freeway, for fear that I'll screw up and get in a wreck.

I drove alright when I was accompanied by an instructor; but on my own, and once I had to start thinking of navigation at the same time, I would start to feel overwhelmed, and make bone-headed errors (at intersections, changing lanes, panic U's, etc.) that would really rattle my confidence.

posted by evil holiday magic to travel & transportation (20 comments total)

The reason you made boneheaded errors is that you can't drive yet.

You need another instructor, this time someone who can teach you the art of driving, not just the technical skills of operating a car. I don't know about other people, probably a lot of people get this from their dad, mine wasn't around so a friend of the family did it for me.

Start slow and work up, carparks have intersections and othe rcars (depending on time of day) so you have to deal with these things there, but with lower stakes due to slow speed. Then move on to backstreets, again, you have intersections and other cars to deal with, but not so many.

I got real bored of backstreets and carparks - but without those boring backstreets and carparks, no one would have made it out of Ponsonby Road alive the first time I drove through there. Let alone my first time on the motorway, which is actually a pretty easy place to be once you learn to relax and pay attention to the signs.

Also: everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them. Don't freak out, panic doesn't do you any good. If you need to stop and think, indicate and pull over.

I've never driven in L.A., but just ask someone who has visited about how the drivers are in N.Z.
posted by The Monkey at 4:07 AM on October 25, 2005

Driving is really a 'practice makes perfect' art.

When I first started driving, 40 mph seemed FAST! Now, after years of driving, I feel the same now at 100mph as I did back then at 40 (not that you'll ever hit 100 in LA!).

I'm from the UK but have driven in LA. Let me reassure you, LA is pretty easy compared to Europe. The lane are ridiculously wide, the drivers leave gaps in flowing traffic (a major shock for me as a 'push in' European), and it's really easy to correct mistakes (can U turn almost everywhere.. roads all tend to go the same way).. so don't panic.

Once you feel you have the basic skills down, it's probably best you start out by driving at night when town is empty. It's definitely the best time to get a feel for routes and the general layout of the roads. You should probably spend some time at home looking over maps too, so if you do go off-course, you'll soon know which freeway will get you back on track.
posted by wackybrit at 4:18 AM on October 25, 2005

It's definitely all about practice. I remember when I was first learning, the notion of being able to even adjust the radio and stay in the lane at the same time was difficult. But all of that goes away with practice.

What you need to do is get an experienced driver to actually show you how to drive. I agree with what has been said above that your driving education has been substandard. The stuff they teach you in "driving school" is really just the bare minimum. What you need is time behind the wheel to practice, with someone that can tell you what you are doing right and what you're failing to do.

Ideally, this person should drive you far away from the interstate and any signs of heavy traffic. You need to find small quiet back roads. Have your partner drive you there, and then switch so that you can drive around. You will then drive around for an hour or two. After that, you switch again and your partner drives you home so that you don't have to deal with freeway/rush hour type frustration.

They key is just to spend time behind the wheel, in a non-stressful situation. You need to feel comfortable enough that you don't go into panic mode, and you just need enough time for the mechanical and mental habits to form. At first you don't even have to worry about directions or where you are going, just work on the basics until you feel comfortable behind the wheel.

As you get better and better your partner will have to do less and less of the "drive you into the middle of nowhere" until eventually you are driving on city streets and freeways. You should really not try to do this on your own quite yet, because your history shows that you're just not ready.

At this stage you need to be extremely careful about distractions. You haven't yet formed the muscle memory of operating the car, and so you need to concentrate. Forget about listening to the radio, and for god's sake don't even think about using a cell phone. Your parter should also be aware of when it's okay to chat and when you need to shut up and concentrate. It sounds silly but even just talking to someone sitting next to you can take an enormous amount of concentration, and even experienced drivers can get distracted enough by conversation that they cause accidents.

So, in summary: Practice, practice, practice. Start with isolated roads in the middle of nowhere. Be very careful about distractions. Slowly work your way up to more and more stressful driving situations, but do not rush into anything that you're not ready for. It really does take time to learn - you can't just expect to take a short course and then be driving after a few weeks.
posted by Rhomboid at 5:27 AM on October 25, 2005

When I first started driving in Toronto, I was pretty nervous about it, but I had no choice. I took the same route to work every day and went one or two other places. If I had to go somewhere else, I meticulously planned my travel in advance, and then paniced if a road was closed along the way.

I'm way past that now, but it was small variations that allowed me to get there. Start by taking a different route to someplace you commonly go, even if it's only a few blocks out of your way. Drive around the nearest residential neighbourhood for awhile. Do small things that make you feel comfortable.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:42 AM on October 25, 2005

Bring along a friend who doesn't panic to help if you need it and try and drive in off hours at first if you can. For most of L.A. this may be the middle of the night or maybe around 2 pm depending on where you live.
If you live outside of the 909, Los Angeles freeways are by far easier than the surface streets, provided you know where your exit is and plan to get into the appropriate lane far in advance. Stay away from downtown, the 405, the 10, the golden state, the 110 and the 4 while you are practicing if you can.
If you can find quiet surface streets give it a shot, but be aware that there are fewer left turn lights in L.A. than in most other cities so it can be a bit nerve-racking for the inexperienced, but as long as you just plant in the intersection and traffic is moving you will be fine. And don't practice in the rain because most los angelinos become scared and confused when water falls from the sky.
Above everything, just remember that everyone I've known in Los Angeles has had a couple of accidents and you'll be
fine if you just remember to relax and don't be afraid if you get lost or miss a turn.
A note for the Pom and the Kiwi, L.A. freeways can move quite fast (85 mph average) if traffic is light enough and yeah L.A. drivers are generally better than Kiwi drivers, but there are about 1000 times more cars on the road.
posted by arruns at 5:59 AM on October 25, 2005

I learned to drive in Los Angeles. As everyone else has stated, the key to becoming a good driver is practice.

I'm not sure where exactly you're located, but I started out with my driving instructor in Santa Monica, the residential area between San Vicente and Montana (I hope I'm remembering streets correctly: I'm far away from the West Coast now). I first started just getting a feel for braking, turning, using turn signals and occassionally negotiating with other cars on the road. These streets are relatively quiet and have stop signs, not traffic lights. It's important to relax and become as comfortable as possible with the car before you try busier streets.

I progressed to driving more crowded streets, with traffic lights, mostly down San Vicente, Montana and in the Westwood area. Westwood can get hairy, though, so maybe take your time with that. By now I was getting a feel for negotiating with other cars, and driving both aggressively and defensively.

Then, I tried the twistier roads, such as Sepulveda and Mulholland Drive. And finally the freeways, starting with the 405, 10 and 110.

If possible, get a good, laid-back (not freak-out-able) friend to accompany you. It's an added bonus if he/she is a good driver and can give you some tips on improving.

I also learned a lot by riding with good drivers (my dad, my friends). I'd make note of how much space they'd leave between cars, how agressive they are on the left turn. Being an observant passenger can help your own driving quite a bit and it's certainly less stressful (at first) than driving. It can also help you become more familiar with the layout of the city.

I always had places I wanted to go in L.A.: some record store miles and miles away, some tiny museum on the other side of the city. Having a goal and giving yourself an incentive may help you want to drive more, and think of it more as an adventure than a chore, or something scarier.
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 7:03 AM on October 25, 2005

Driving anywhere is stressful and takes practice. To alleviate the stress, give yourself lots of extra time to get places and then take it slow and easy getting there.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:05 AM on October 25, 2005

In my early driving days (learned at 26) I always made sure to completely plan my route at a ridiculous level of detail, draw it out big in magic marker and tape it to the steering wheel.

It only takes a moment of hesitation or confusion to create trouble for an inexperienced driver.

And of course, it just takes time to improve. Afterall what other task in this life requires the coordinated action of all four limbs (stick shift), 360 degree monitoring of a rapidly changing environment, and the knowledge of specialized signs and conventions? And where the penalty for error can be death?
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:39 AM on October 25, 2005

I hope that made you less terrified.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:46 AM on October 25, 2005

already lot of good advice. i find a skill useful is the ability to predict what the next driver is going to do. after a while you get good at it and it helps.

also try to relax. i know people who get stressed and tired because they are all tense, hunched over the steering wheel and gripping it too hard.

everybody makes mistakes and it is part of the learning process.

if you get intimated and stressed with the idea that people will be honking if you are not driving fast enough in a new area.. dont worry about it. in worst case just put your blinkers on.
posted by flyby22 at 9:08 AM on October 25, 2005

I'm very sorry to hear that you're not comfortable driving.. in LA I imagine that's a real problem. For general anxiety about driving your car, I can't think that there's anything to do for it but keep driving it until you become a pro.

And I don't want to sound mean, but you're doing basic things to make sure you're driving well, like not talking on your cell phone, et cetera, right? Nobody drives well if they're distracted.

Here's a secret that gave me confidence when I got my license: You don't need to know every street in your city. All you need to know are the main north/south OR east/west routes, the ones that run the whole length of the city, and how to get to your house from them. If you're lost, know that you can always drive until you intersect with them, and get back to your house with no problem. Once you realize that you can't really get lost, you will be loads more confident, and the roads won't seem quite as threatening. Good luck.
posted by Hildago at 9:13 AM on October 25, 2005

I agree with Hidalgo very much. Make sure you know the main streets, and NEVER panic if you miss your exit or intersection. You may just be little late getting to your destination. But you can always turn around at the next intersection or exit. May it is little trickier if you have lot of one way streets in your area. But I have found this is a good tip for nervous drivers.
posted by flyby22 at 9:30 AM on October 25, 2005

I was like you. After four piddly and expensive accidents I was fed up with driving - and I was a good driver, drove professionally as a cabbie and delivery man, taught by good teachers, with seven years of driving behind me when I decided to quit.

Yes. I quit driving back in 1981. And I have only regretted it when I can't get somebody else to drive me to my favorite fishing holes. Otherwise, driving is not something I miss.

Of course, I wouldn't live in LA or most American suburbs or cities because I do not drive. I have always chosen to live in cties where driving isn't needed, and now I live in Europe, where for the most part I can hop a bus to even the most remote places, including my favorite fishing holes.

I ride a bike or take cabs. Yeah, I feel smug and self righteous about my contribution to the environment, but then I have earned it.

If you don't like driving, then you can simply choose to say no to driving.
posted by zaelic at 9:38 AM on October 25, 2005

Rhomboid's advice is excellent. Any kind of driving will give you more confidence and skill, making you more prepared for stressful situations.

In addition to learning to cope with more stressful driving situtations, you can also try removing some of the stress. Think a little bit ahead. If you make a mistake in choosing a lane or you miss a ramp, don't try to immediately fix the mistake, you don't have the skills to do that yet. Just keep driving the wrong direction until you find a place where you feel safe to turn around or perhaps stop and look at a map or even find an alternate route.
posted by lazy-ville at 9:39 AM on October 25, 2005

Adding on to what Hidalgo said, I always keep in mind where the ocean is when driving in L.A, even when I'm downtown. It's somehow easy to remember which way the ocean is, so I automatically always have a notion of where West is (and therefore what the other directions are as well).
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 10:11 AM on October 25, 2005

I've been driving 25 years with only a minor accident (rear ended by a drunk driver). I engage in what many would consider risky recreation (rockclimbing, surfing, etc.). But I am still afraid of driving and don't want to get over it. Odds are, if I buy the farm or get seriously injured, it'll be driving.

My point is that too many people take driving way toocasually, and aren't aware of the potential disaster all around them. Its good that you are (even if you learned it the hard way) you just need to keep it from paralyzing you. Lots of good advice in this thread. Just take it slow, focus on driving safely and learning, not on getting places for a while, and bring a navigator until the actual mechanics are second nature to you.
posted by Manjusri at 3:46 PM on October 25, 2005

Hidalgo's suggestion gave me an idea. Since you're uncomfortable with the navigating, perhaps you could get a patient friend to drive while you do all the navigating so that you can get comfortable with that?

Also, do you have a Thomas Guide? If so, when you feel like panicking about navigation, remind yourself that you can always pull into a parking lot, take out the map, and figure out what you need to do next without trying to drive at the same time.
posted by clarahamster at 3:52 PM on October 25, 2005

I just learned to drive in March 2005 and I can definitely feel myself getting better with practice. I did a big road trip all by myself last month, purposefully on more scenic rural highways instead of the big E-W interstate, after which I really felt more skillful than before. Now that the sun is rising later and setting earlier, I'm having to deal with commuting when it's not light out, which is a new scary thing for me.

The advice above is all good advice. Just give yourself time and patience, a level head and good planning, and you'll find yourself growing into it.
posted by matildaben at 3:55 PM on October 25, 2005

Remember these three calming rules. You can always stop on a surface street. You can always get off a freeway. You should always carry a Thomas guide.
posted by firstdrop at 4:33 PM on October 25, 2005

umm. I know this may seem simplistic, but I would suggest if you have trouble finding routes, maybe getting a GPS would be a good idea. I hear they are all the rage now, and as long as you don't get distracted looking at the screen, and follow the voice prompts, it works like magic to get you from point A to any point in the US.
posted by demannu at 5:05 PM on October 25, 2005