Recommended someone for a job who I am now uncomfortable with?
April 21, 2014 5:20 PM Subscribe
Maybe working with a friend who turned out to be a little less than friend.
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (9 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
A job opened up recently at my company for someone in a role within my department. I would see this person 3-4 times a week, and we would be working on deadlines together, i.e. a lot of communication and physically being in the same room.
I recommended someone I know from about 5 years ago. We were pretty good friends (long distance Facebooky-friends for the last couple years), and I knew he was looking for a job. His interests aligned with the position, and I didn't think he was a perfect fit (lacked a couple of skills, easy to learn on the job though) but thought he might get the job.
He came to stay with me and my fiance the night before the interview because he's from out of town (we're in our mid-to-late 20s, so this is not that unusual). On the first night he was staying with us, he made me very uncomfortable. It seemed like nerves, but he kept glancing at my breasts while talking to me. Also, despite the fact that I tipped him off to the job and we are letting him stay with us, he's been somewhat rude and unpleasant-- I think it's just his social awkwardness, but I wouldn't invite him to stay with me again. In fact, I don't really want to spend any time around him-- he's been acting very smug and sarcastic, different from how he was previously.
He seems different than before and I think he's gone through a few life changes (i.e. used to be very Catholic, now is an atheist) that have maybe changed the way he acts around women. He's "on the market" now and I feel like he's viewing me as a sexual conquest (even though I'm obviously involved with someone) instead of a friend.
I know neither of these are huge transgressions, they are just bad personality to my taste, but I am suddenly filled with dread imagining working with this person into the indefinite future. It turns out he is a competitive candidate, and they are considering him along with another candidate (who I would infinitely prefer both for professional and now personal reasons).
How can I deal with this, practically and mentally? I'm very upset that I may have changed my work environment from a decent one to one where I am on edge. I feel very uncomfortable with this person now and like an idiot for helping him out. Any advice welcome.