Am I uptight, or is he being a perv?
April 16, 2014 7:56 AM Subscribe
I'm a woman in my mid 40's, and my husband is in his early 50's. We've been married over 20 years, have 3 great kids and a relatively good life. But our sex life has taken a weird turn here lately (at least for me).
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (39 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I'll be the first to admit that getting into the mood for me has a lot to do with outside factors. If we aren't seeing eye-to-eye about something (think money disputes, disagreements over homework responsibilities with the kids,etc), there is no way I'm going to want to have sex. It just gets me out of the mood. So for me, sex is an emotional thing first. It's a head-game for me to be attracted to someone and want to get physically intimate.
So long story short, with age (or hell, maybe medication) my husband's erection has left a lot to be desired. He used to be huge and hard as a rock and I would have no problem having an orgasm, and neither would he. But now, things are a little soft and it takes him more (and consequently me) to get off. I'll give him credit, he will work hard to try to get me there. Sometimes with success.
But the hitch is that there only seems to be one way he can get himself there and that is by vocalizing that my friends are watching us. And that creeps. me. the. fuck. out! Mainly because one of the ladies that he always mentions just happens to be one of my closest friends and our fucking neighbor. He wants me to participate by saying things like "yeah, she's there...watching you fuck me", etc. If I do this, he will orgasm-guaranteed.
This cycle has been going on for about a year. He'll bring it up during the act, I'll do it to make the madness stop (he knows I hate it) and then I'll be pissed. I've even had to tell him pre-coitus before that I'd better not hear it, etc. He'll abide by that for a while, but then he always returns to it. I've told him it's fine with me if he needs to visualize that to get himself off, but I don't want to have to hear it because it immediately turns me off and repulses me. But for some reason he needs to hear me say it.
Am I being selfish? Should I be more flexible on this point? Afterwards, he says that it doesn't mean anything and I really do believe him, but it still grosses me out to no end. And sometimes it's hard to look my friend in the eye and not think about what happens in our bedroom.
So basically, knowing that this is always a possibility going into it, I'm reluctant to have sex with him. Which is a shame, because our sex life was at its peak before all this started.
I'm a strong-willed person, and it makes me feel weak and cheap to do this. But I can also see that sometimes I like to be too controlling. Am I being a bitch? Is this me just thinking about this too much? Is it okay to do something like this when it feels so wrong? Is what happens in the bedroom separate from what happens outside the bedroom? Help me out here, peeps.