Talking with an ESL student...

October 24, 2005 12:15 PM

Boundaries in conversation with an ESL student?

I've been volunteering with a literacy/language program for a few months now. My student is a 50ish Sri Lankan gentleman who is really friendly. The last tutor told me he likes to spend a lot of time in conversation. So far, since I'm introverted and a bad conversationalist, I've kept conversation to a minimum. One of my concerns is discussing something that would upset him, say possibly the Tsunami, his family, or why he came to America without his family. How can you hold a conversation with someone without worrying about upsetting them?

posted by drezdn to society & culture (6 comments total)

The same way you hold a conversation with anyone, regardless of language barriers.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:22 PM on October 24, 2005

Be polite and don't be afraid to apologize.
posted by filmgeek at 12:25 PM on October 24, 2005

I taught ESL for 2 years. My feeling is that people learning English are interested in knowing what Americans consider appropriate conversation. For example, 2 Russian students were glad to be told that asking (in a social context) how much things cost -- which they often did -- might not be appreciated here. On the flip side, ESLers may as well find out from you that Americans sometimes discuss things that they have been brought up to believe are private. It doesnt mean they HAVE to talk about that stuff. They might want to be equipped with courteous ways to change the subject, or to say "Maybe we can talk about that some other time."
posted by wryly at 12:38 PM on October 24, 2005

The same way you hold a conversation with anyone, regardless of language barriers.

Yeah but the op said s/he is a poor conversationalist. Feeling not good at something is scary enough even before you add the fear of the unknown on top of it. Kudos for your concern and sensitivity about his well-being and ease, drezdn.

Perhaps the simplest thing would be, if the shared language is good enough to convey such abstracts, to start by discussing the cultural difference and not knowing what subjects would be appropriate to discuss. After all, he's in a new culture and likely has had his own encounters with things that were Not As They Seemed - I would think this would be a subject rife with things to talk about.
posted by phearlez at 1:13 PM on October 24, 2005

I taught ESL in Japan for a while, and my best advice is to start small.

You have to build up a relationship, first. Your conversations will of course start off as little more than small talk. But over time you will build a friendship. It is important, I think, to consider this man a friend, and as you find that you have things in common, your conversations will grow.

Teaching English can be awkward at times, but it can also be fun. It is important to be able to laugh and keep things light.

A good way to start would be to bring a newspaper when you come to meet with him and discuss the news of the day. Perhaps you will get some opinions out of him and it will be a good way to begin building that friendship.

Beyond that, there are endless topics to work from, though when put on the spot it can seem somewhat difficult and almost as though there is NOTHING to talk about.

The main thing is to find your common ground, let him know you are interested in what he has to say, and get him talking about what HE likes.

Good starters are sports: what he's played in his lifetime, teams he's liked, etc. Food: his native cuisine presents endless possibility for discussion, perhaps you two can cook something together during a meeting. Family: as you said it may seem difficult to talk about, but I think in the context of English instruction, it is OK to ask if he has any brothers or sisters, parents, children, etc.

Ask him about differences between America and Sri Lanka, ask him about his hobbies. Ask him about his difficulties in America.

The best is always to try and find something you know little about, and get him to describe it to you.

And don't worry! It can be tough and nerve-wracking sometimes, but the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable he will be. In some ESL meetings, I found myself offering up tons of information that I never would have, but I think it's important. The more you tell about yourself, the more he will share about himself. Don't be afraid to talk a lot.
posted by dead_ at 1:43 PM on October 24, 2005

This Site has a bajillion (approx.) conversation-starting questions. I actually came across this site as I was searching for ways to start conversations with strangers in my own life. Perhaps you and your Sri-Lankan friend can start with some simple questions about his life in America, then maybe once you feel more comfortable, you can ask about family.
posted by sarahnade at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2005