Should I Take Antidepressants For Seemingly Outside Causes?
April 5, 2014 10:26 AM Subscribe
Trying to determine if I'm depressed enough to warrant the use of antidepressants. Chicken and the egg about the cause of depression.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I know, YANMD or Therapist. That said...
I've been seeing a CBT therapist for two years. I like her and I've learned a lot about combating negative thoughts, etc. and I've definitely seen a change in my thinking patterns. However I can't seem to shake out of this funk I'm in. The catch is that the funk is caused by external and situational factors. I started going to my therapist for help on coming out (age 27) and coping with that and anxiety from it. But while going to her I slowly slipped into depression caused by a nightmarish and unending string of bad luck and rejection in regards to finding a relationship that has left me and my emotions in a ragged heap of despair. It's as though the universe has a voodoo doll of me and it's repeatedly stabbing me in the chest. I've been repeatedly led on, rejected, crushed, and not once has my romantic interest been reciprocated. I'm turning 30 in a few days and I just have this unending thought stream that my life is like a nightmare.
I try to pick myself back up and go after someone else, but I keep getting smashed back down. I don't know how many times I can get back up, and I feel like all the rejection left me an emotional mess.
I feel so different than I used to be. I used to have my ups and downs, and I guess you could say I would err more on the melancholy side, but I used to be pretty happy go lucky. I'm so negative and sad now, strings of negative thoughts going through my head all the time. I see everything through a very pessimistic lens. The smallest things make me angry. I am becoming apathetic about things I was once passionate about. I have vague occasional thoughts of suicide (although no plans about it) and at the same time increasing anxiety about death and my health. I lost 10 pounds from stress in the past two years.
However I have a hard time just sitting by myself and relaxing. I often feel very distracted. I feel as though the only way to quiet my mind from rumination and obsessive thoughts is to have a beer or two. It gives me a moment's respite from the heaviness. I can't get the stuff done that I want to. I'm less motivated than I should be. God forbid you ask me to make a decision on something. My brain just feels scattered.
If you asked me to rate my overall mood for the last year (or two), I'd say "shitty". I've had the most crushing lows I've ever had in my life, and I can't seem to snap out of it.
The thing is, I don't lie in bed all day. I go out and I'm fully capable of having a fun day with friends. I've even made a lot of new friends throughout the past two years since this started. So I'm being very very social. I have good days. I am active. I have short bursts of productivity. So I still seem to be fairly functional.
I want to say that maybe if I'd stop getting rejected romantically then maybe this would go away. But perhaps depression is causing my reactions to these events to be way out of proportion.
I just feel like I'm turning into a cynical, bitter person.
My therapist has suggested antidepressants before, but I didn't want to take them. Now she's suggesting them again, actually for the third time. At first I thought it would go away on it's own, that I could weather the storm and things would eventually get brighter. Now I'm reconsidering because life keeps kicking me in the face, I feel like hell, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm going around with a storm cloud over me all the time.
But I worry about taking them, and I wonder if antidepressants work for such situations. Plus I hate taking medications in general. My therapist even said herself that depression does clear up on its own, and it would probably lift for me pretty fast if I found a good relationship. But who knows when that will be, and who knows if it's even going to help me much since all this negativity and sadness has been such a THING for me for so long.
Anyway my question is, would antidepressants work in a situation like this, and has anyone had a similar situation? I feel like the reason this is happening is because through sheer bad luck the same things are happening to me over and over again. I'm doing everything I can to break the cycle but I've been hurt more times than seems fair for one person. However, because this is why I'm feeling down, I don't know if an antidepressant is a good way to go. I wonder if I'm just overreacting to my situation, or if the depression is causing me to overreact. Classic chicken and the egg.
Obviously I will talk to my therapist more about this, but I'm just looking for anecdotal stories if perhaps anyone was in a situation similar enough to mine.