Am I being a crazy-person? Immature perhaps?
April 4, 2014 8:32 AM Subscribe
My close friend of 4 years now spends all their time with a long-lost friend recently resurfaced and I am sad/angry/jealous/ Should I be? More inside :(
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Anonymous because this questions makes me look like I am in middle school. In reality I am in my early 30s.
I have been friends with A for about 3-4 years now. For the past 2 years or so we would talk or see each other most days of the week. We are of the opposite sex. I used to have a crush on A but have since gotten over it (or have I?) Sometimes a third party would float in or out of the friendship but our friendship remained constant.
In the past month A has gotten in touch with a friend (B) from their past with whom they were very close (same sex friend - no romance FWIW). Now, everytime I see or contact A they are ALWAYS with this past friend or planning to do something. A has always invited me along on these outings. In an effort to be nice/make new friends I have agreed to meet them a handful of times. Only one of these times did I have a "mediocre" time - most of the times I was unhappy - they had all these inside jokes and background I knew nothing about. I really prefer hanging out with A 1 one 1. Granted, this could be because of the crush I had on them in the past but then I have always been introverted and prefer 1 on 1 time with ALL my friends regardless of gender. Really and truly.
Exacerbating matters is that B just went through a pretty big personal issue and I think A is trying to comfort them by being there all the time. But the bottom line is I don't like hanging out with B. I feel like a third wheel and I miss my friend.
I know A misses me in some sense as they always invite me along and has been nothing but kind in trying to include me in their conversations/outings but I just cannot bring myself to hang out with the two of them. Yet I cannot ask A to ditch B for me (nor could my morals every allow me ask, really - A spends time with who they want to spend time with) But also I am pretty damn sure I would lose out to B if I ever presented it as "B or me" (but I never would). Nonetheless - I miss A. A lot.
So, after so much ranting, my question(s) is(are): am I a crazy/immature person for not wanting to hang out with them together? Should I just suck it up? I would ask A for some alone time but I really think that would look strange to A, us being of opposite sex and all. Like maybe I am angling for something else (really at this point I am not) Or maybe I am not over the crush like I thought I was and am acting like a jealous lover? Help :(