Another "should I stay or should I go?" question
March 25, 2014 3:32 PM Subscribe
Should I move to the other side of the world? Snowflake situation inside, of course.
posted by sunflower16 to Human Relations (37 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I live in NYC and am trying to decide if I should move to Sydney. Metafilter, please help me answer this question or at least see sides of it I haven't yet.
I've lived in NYC a very long time and am from the area originally. I love it, I think it's a great city, but I feel I should've taken opportunities long ago to shake things up and try living elsewhere. I'm jealous of friends and coworkers who have done this. I work for a large international company with offices in many cities and I see coworkers transferring around fairly often and I wonder why I've never taken advantage of this great opportunity for myself. In terms of specific cities, I've spent a decent amount of time vacationing and working in Sydney and really like it there. While I have never lived there, I'm pretty confident I would enjoy living there (as confident as one can be without actually trying it out). I know a few people there already and I'm pretty sociable and make friends easily.
If I were ten years younger, I would absolutely do this in a heartbeat. In reality, I'm 36 years old and female and I really want to get married and have kids, and I obviously have very little time left for that. I'm also very close to my family (who live near me). I've always loved the idea of having kids and living somewhere near my family so my parents could spend a lot of time with my kids. Unfortunately, life being what it is, this dream has not panned out for me.
My ideal scenario would be to live in Sydney for 1-3 years and then return to the NYC area...enough to get this living-abroad bug out of my system. I realize though that if I spend the next couple of years in Sydney, there's a good chance that if I meet a guy there, it will be a guy who isn't interested in leaving Sydney. (I realize of course that anything could happen - I may not meet anyone at all - or I may meet an American dying to move back to the US - but if I do meet a guy there, the odds are in favor of it being someone who likes living in Sydney, or else why would he be there to begin with?).
Being "stuck" in Sydney for the long-term wouldn't be the absolute worst thing in the world (I could afford to fly back to visit my family a reasonable number of times a year, given the distance), but raising a family there so far from my parents and siblings is definitely not part of my eventual plan, and I would feel really sad to be so far away from them for so long (or forever!), especially if I wind up having kids who see my family infrequently due to the distance.
On the other hand, who knows what will happen? I could stay in NYC and never meet anybody. I could move to Sydney and never meet anybody, then come back in a couple of years. I could meet someone in either location who wants to stay put where they are or is dying to move.
But in terms of odds, it does seem like moving so far away is putting myself at risk for meeting someone who likes where they live and wants to stay there.
(There's also the separate issue that some responders brought up in my previous questions, namely, that Sydney is a terrible place for women to meet men, but in my experience NYC is the same way so this is kind of a wash. I might consider other cities abroad instead of Sydney, but my basic question about whether moving so far away is a good idea at all still stands.)
Part of me thinks that if I were going to do this, I should've done it ten years ago, and I waited too long and missed the boat and that sucks but I'm just too old for this kind of risk. Another part of me thinks I may as well take advantage of not being coupled up (even though I would much rather be coupled up!)
So: should I stay or should I go? Thank you!