ain't 2 proud 2 beg
March 23, 2014 9:09 PM Subscribe
I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. We are both mid-thirties; have discussed marriage and kids and are on the same page;we live together; and things are great. Except for one thing - I initiate sex most of the time and want it more. I know the next part is not right, but, me initiating things all of the time makes me feel bad. I know it is a stereotype to expect men to be wanting to have sex more.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Recently it seems important for me to feel like I am desirable. Basically, I want to be wanted physically. And, I don't feel this way when I am the one who is initiating things all of the time.
I have brought this up with him. He assures me that I am hot, sexy, he said I am more attractive than he is and so on. I am not a supermodel but take care of my appearance and am in good shape. He told me he just doesn't want sex that often. Which is fine, I don't need it all of the time. But for whatever reason, it's hard for me to always be the one initiating things. And then sometimes I try to and he doesn't want to and I feel even worse, either sad or frustrated.
I don't know if I am being insecure or unreasonable (I do realize it's not fair to expect him to always initiate sex) or having a third life crises. Sometimes I fantasize about hooking up with random people I know, even though I would never act on it, it bothers me to think this. When we do have sex it is great. I think the real underlying thing that is bothering me is that I do not feel wanted sexually. In my previous relationships, my exes always wanted it much more than I did, so I suppose I got used to that pattern. Am I just being vain or insecure? Is there something I could ask him to do; or do for myself?