How to break the break up news?
March 22, 2014 8:51 PM Subscribe
I think my girlfriend is wonderful and funny and gorgeous and sexy and amazing and talented. But she doesn't believe that. The relationship isn't perfect, but it's fun and good.
The problem is, I've come across somebody with whom it seems like it might be great, but my girlfriend will be (in her words) destroyed if I leave her. And I don't know what to do.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (38 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Anon because my girlfriend knows my account.
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. I'm mid30s, she's end of 30s. This matters to me not at all but it matters to her a lot as she's feeling like her time is running out. We had a rocky period (during which I first met this other person) and during those fights and almost breakups it came out that she was alone for 3 years before meeting me (dates, but nothing serious), that she can't go back to her family and friends and tell them another one didn't work out, that because of her age she's mostly ignored already, that this felt like her last chance. I probably would have actually broken up with her during these discussions but I couldn't go through with it, I couldn't break her heart and destroy her life like that.
So after that rocky period I lost touch with the woman I was interested in, there were external constraints on that ever working out and clearly I couldn't pull the trigger on ending this thing with my gf. I felt it best to just stay the course and see what I could do.
And it worked, things with my girlfriend were good and I was happy. Until I saw the other woman again. And my heart leapt. It was better than I had remembered it would be. It felt like the way I want my life to be. It resonated. It felt like the beginning of a major adventure. Maybe it wouldn't actually be these things but it feels like the right thing to try.
It made me feel like missing out on this new opportunity would feel like the sort of thing I would always regret. But the idea of dropping my girlfriend when from her point of view things are going wonderfully, causing her to feel lonely, rejected, like a failure, makes me feel like absolute garbage. No, worse. It makes me feel sick to my stomach like when I think about how my mom would feel if I died for some reason. Plus a lot of my stuff is at her house so it would make the extraction...not immediate, unless I subtly moved things out in advance.
I've read Miko's script, but the problem is, it doesn't deal with the fact that we seem pretty serious, that we've had rocky times before where all that stuff would have been best said. So, I don't know how to start. I don't know when to do it. I know things are going to come up in the discussion that I won't know how to handle (she is a fierce arguer). I kind of don't even know how to end this post so I'm just going to post it.
I also had such a hard time putting a pet to sleep, this feels like the same thing. I hate inflicting hurt so much, even if it's better in the long run.