"Honeymoon phase" wearing off - Destiny or decision?
March 21, 2014 10:39 AM Subscribe
People keep telling me that my husband and I are still in the "honeymoon phase" and that it will wear off. I disagree, and I think that "honeymoon phase" is a bunch of crap, but maybe I am being naive? Can a couple maintain a level of romance and affection and "in love"-edness throughout their relationship, or must it inevitably fade? I'd love to hear people's experiences, and examples of where they have been able to maintain the "honeymoon" feeling, and where the honeymoon phase ended and why they think that was.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson to Human Relations (39 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 32, he is 39, this is my first marriage, his second, we have a 7 year old (from his first marriage), we have careers, we have stressors and worries and responsibilities. We have experienced some very serious things in the time we have been together (death, major scare that I had cancer resulting in months of medical tests and sleepless nights, parental illness, financial stress). I feel comfortable describing ourselves as very grounded, rational people. However, we have always been disgusting and cutesy. I actually think we are the exact same as we have been since the day we started dating in terms of being affectionate and lovey dovey, the wedding didn't change anything in that regard. We hold hands when we're out in public, we hug a lot, we kiss a lot, we say I love you a lot, we apparently do cutesy lovey looks at one another all the time (according to our friends who find it both adorable and sickening), we enjoy spending the vast VAST majority of our time together, we snuggle every night and set the morning alarm to go off 20 minutes earlier than we need it so that we can snuggle before work, we make out on the couch and engage in lots of coitus... Basically, we are disgusting and we have always done the things that are largely how people describe the honeymoon phase. We each have separate interests and do things independent of the other, but time spent together is where we are both happiest. Of course, we have arguments, we get frustrated with each other, but we never fight mean, and we never fight for long (longest fight was four hours, from initial fight trigger to apologies and hugs) and we never hold grudges. And of course there is an ebb and flow, but even at our "low" points we are still much more affectionate and romantic and "in love" than most couples probably are (or so we have been told).
I don't think "honeymoon phase" exists but rather couples stop putting the effort in to keeping the romance and affection in their relationship. My husband and I have talked about it many times (we have regular relationship conversations where we ensure both our needs are met and whether the relationship is on a path we both agree upon) and we both know how easy it is to just get "too busy" to invest the time and energy in to romance. We have decided, as a couple, to make it a priority. We are parents to a kick ass kid, we have careers and responsibilities,... but we are also two adults in a relationship and that matters too.
So is the "honeymoon phase" actually a thing? Am I being naive to think that we really CAN maintain this level of romance and lovingness throughout the relationship? I know that no two relationships are the same, but this "honeymoon phase" thing has been barfed at me so much that I'm getting the sense everyone really believes it is a temporary state. Would be really be THAT much of an exception to the rule if we were able to keep this up?