Would you give a gift for a year of sobriety?

October 21, 2005 2:34 PM

My sister is going to celebrate 1 year of (drug) sobriety next month. I have my father's 1 year (alcohol) sobriety coin from many years ago. Should I give it to her on her anniversary date?

I don't know the etiquette/protocol for these sorts of things.

I have my father's 1 year sobriety coin, which I found in some of his possessions after he died 2+ years ago. Coincidentally, it was that event that really caused my sister to spin out of control and become a full-fledged addict. She's been clean for 1 year now, attending NA and treatment.

Anyways, I thought that it might make a nice gift, but then again, if my father's death precipitated/coincided with her fall, maybe it would be a bad idea.

Anon, for my sister's sake.

posted by anonymous to Society & Culture (16 answers total)

I think it's a beautiful idea, without knowing the dynamics of your family.
posted by tristeza at 2:45 PM on October 21, 2005

Wow. I think the only people who could effectively answer this would be those who know your sister.

Personally, I'd be touched, but as you point out, it could send her into a relapse. Maybe you should discuss it with other family members, or with your sister's friends.
posted by me3dia at 2:45 PM on October 21, 2005

If it were me, it would be something I'd treasure... but something that would need to be given to me in private, or just with the people that have supported her most through her intervention and treatment. For instance, it wouldn't be appropriate to me to wrap it up.
posted by SpecialK at 2:57 PM on October 21, 2005

If she's been keeping clean via a 12-step program maybe someone else in the program, or even her sponsor, would be better able to guess how she would react?
posted by Kellydamnit at 3:07 PM on October 21, 2005

Did your father stay sober? I would think that might make a difference too. If he fell off the wagon, the coin might be a symbol of his eventual failure to stay sober.

But, if he stayed clean, I think it's a touching idea.
posted by clh at 3:30 PM on October 21, 2005

It's important to recognize her success as her own, and not a replay of your father's. I think it'd be a very moving gesture if you gave it to her in private, but I think it should accompany another token of congratulation that refers uniquely to her.
posted by ori at 3:42 PM on October 21, 2005

But, if he stayed clean, I think it's a touching idea.


Also, if his death wasn't related to hir prior alcoholism.
posted by o0o0o at 4:00 PM on October 21, 2005

I'd say ask her sponsor. But it's a very nice idea; I hope it works out.
posted by languagehat at 5:15 PM on October 21, 2005

Touching; Maybe you could duplicate it somehow? Have something made, that captures the same notion, but also has an element reflective of your relationship with her? That is something (maybe a symbol of sorts) GOOD, that reminds her of "better times." Chances are this is something she'll keep with her and reflect upon. Best wishes!
posted by AllesKlar at 6:24 PM on October 21, 2005

As others have stated, it is hard to say without knowing your sister and the whole family dynamic. But on the surface I think it is a fine idea. I know for a fact people with longer periods of sobriety often give their medallions to people coming along with less time. Part of the "pass it on" deal.

This might be a pretty big assumption on the part of a stranger, but I think your father would've approved of it.
posted by marxchivist at 8:09 PM on October 21, 2005

I think that the way it is given matters a lot. If you strongly express your love and support along with the gift, then it will become a token of that. I think that'd be pretty cool, especially if you say something like, "I want you to remember how proud I am of you" when you give it to her.

If, on the other hand, you are crying when you give it to her and say, "Damn, I miss Dad, I'm giving this to you and then I'm going out to get drunk," well, then, that probably wouldn't be very cool.
posted by ikkyu2 at 9:24 PM on October 21, 2005

I'd be tempted to save it for the one year... it'll mean more that way. The fragility of it being only one month is a major concern. Is there a hurry?
posted by nthdegx at 12:42 AM on October 22, 2005

nthdegx - it is one year, only that one year happens next month.
posted by divabat at 7:28 AM on October 22, 2005

In some 12-step groups, it's a long standing tradition of passing on sobriety coins as a kind of way to pass the good juju on. I think it would be a lovely, meaningful gift, if the criteria mentioned up-thread have been met.

One year's a great big deal. Good for you for recognizing it as such.
posted by wordswinker at 8:06 AM on October 22, 2005

If you're really not sure, ask her.

It would spoil the surprise, but it wouldn't take away any of the meaning, if she does want to have it.

If she feels weird about it, or wants to wait till 5 years, your thought will still count.
posted by wryly at 4:24 PM on October 22, 2005

You could ask her. I don't know if, but is sounds like a really beautiful gift. If she doesn't want it, that's one thing. But I can't believe that the offer would be met with anything but gratitude.

It might be too much for her, but i bet the offer would make her day/week/ year.

I read meta-question for things like this. Good luck to her.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 10:11 PM on October 22, 2005