How do I realistically satisfy my bicuriousity?
March 18, 2014 8:01 AM Subscribe
I am a cis-female in my late 20s, and I've considered myself straight for most of my life. Around my mid 20s I started to realize that I had a secret desire for a woman to come on to me as a sexy fantasy, but still aligning myself as straight. However this desire slowly grew and I started to have intense dreams of having sex with women and now I really want to make this happen in reality. I have no idea how to approach this.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (20 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I've been talking to my therapist (which happens to be lesbian and has LGBT specialization) since last year about this and my realization that I may be bisexual. I used to immediately dismiss the idea about being with women, but now I've been thinking a fair amount about even dating women. Despite my deep desire to make this happen, I am quite terrified about how this would happen in reality.
I have few queer friends, most I am not really close with (just association really), and I would find it awkward to bring the topic up with them. I did tell one lesbian friend about my potential interest in woman and asked her how I would meet ladies and she herself was like "if you find out, please tell me!" (she has a lot of dating issues and troubles herself).
My therapist recommends that I come out to the community but I tried to change the subject with her at first because I'm not quite comfortable with it yet. Although I am slowly coming around that this is something I have to do (which is honestly not that difficult because I am interested in a lot of different things) but there is too much to choose from, especially since I am in the Los Angeles area. I've been to a lesbian bar twice in my life and I was absolutely terrified (this was before I fully admitted to myself my attraction to women). While I've had my share of hookups and one night stands with men, they have never started at a bar so I feel this is probably not the way to go for women either.
I occasionally participate in the kink scene but I've taken a long break since my last activity. Some have suggested that I could take that route to find partners but despite a few years of trying to be active in the BDSM community I never really felt fully accepted in that scene so I feel it might be the same feeling if I delve deeper into LGBT stuff even though I logically know it is *totally* different vibe and community.
I am also open to resources and support services about coming out because I also kind of feel alone and weird in this and I am open to memail.
TL;DR - I've never kissed another girl. I really, really want to at least do that. But really, I want to have sex with a woman. How does this happen?!