I've faced a lot of rejection over the past year: from jobs, men, my friends, and parents, and it's totally killed my self-esteem. I don't know how to get it back or how to act social anymore.
posted by summertimesadness1988 to Human Relations (19 answers total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
I have been going through a very rough time over the past year. I turned 25 over the summer, and my life isn’t at all where I’d like to be. Last year started with a breakup, and the loneliness hit me hard, causing a lot of sleep issues, weight gain, and stress. All of my friends then got into relationships and forgot about me in the process, so I barely get social interaction with familiar people. Also, my current childcare job cut my hours, so I had to move back in with my parents, who criticize me often and are overall very negative and unhappy people.
I trudged through my Master’s thesis in the fall and finished in December (English degree), and am now looking for higher education jobs with very little luck. I either hear that they went with someone else, or don’t hear back at all. Also, when I follow up, I’m just told that they are still “looking through applications” or “haven’t started looking yet.” It’s exhausting and frustrating. So, I’m stuck living in a house where I’m criticized all the time, with no chance of being able to move out, since my current doesn’t pay well enough at all. It’s also a very boring and unfulfilling job, which makes things worse.
Also, I have a guy friend whom I liked for a few years, who always said he never wanted a relationship, and is now with a very beautiful girl, who also has a career and money. So, I feel further rejection, especially since I see her, and just feel like I never stood a chance. (I won't go into too much detail here, since I've already talked about this in another question: http://ask.metafilter.com/251973/How-to-mend-a-broken-heart-after-so-many-years). And after seeing ALL of my friends get into serious, happy relationships, I feel like no guy will ever want to date me at this point—I’m almost 26, with nothing but unfulfilling, short-term relationships and hurt feelings to look back on.
Overall, being single makes me miserable. I hate never having sex or companionship. It’s been over a year at this point. I’m mad at my friends for moving on and having normal lives without me, and I’m heartbroken that my guy friend never gave me a chance as anything more than a friend with benefits. I’m frustrated that no job gives me a positive response (even an interview, a slight possibility would be nice). And I hate that I’m stuck with my unsupportive parents.
And my main problem and reason for asking this question: the past year has just KILLED my self-esteem. I used to think I was attractive, I used to still be able to dress up and flirt, despite being hurt by every guy I ever liked. I used to take pride in my intelligence, and hold good conversations with people. I used to be outgoing, be able to talk to people and have a great time no matter what, but now…I’m just completely beaten down. I’m emotionally exhausted, and I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll just always be lonely, single, have no money or independence. I used to be in great shape, but now I’ve gained a ton of weight from eating junk food and drinking alcohol to feel better, and from lack of sleep (I feel really lonely and depressed, and have trouble sleeping). After years of having perfect, healthy skin, I’ve also gotten a lot of acne (my face is just COVERED with it), from the stress, etc. I actually joined a Meetup group for local women my age, and was at an event last night..And just couldn’t hold a conversation to save my life. I was around so many nice people, but just felt so insecure, like I was the most unattractive woman there. I got overwhelmed and was quiet and wanted to leave the entire night.
It was terrible, and when I realized I really need some help. I feel like I’m in some sort of catch-22 situation, how will I make new friends, or interview for a new job, if I’ve just forgotten how to act around people and be myself? I have all the qualities, but my self-esteem is just dead, and I’m exhausted. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around, that people gained confidence as they got older…but it seems to have gone backward for me. What can I do to feel better and get my self-esteem and social skills back? I dance and do yoga, two major hobbies of mine, but nothing brings me joy anymore. Please help me. I don’t know where else to go. :(