Stopping the blame game while trying to get pregnant
March 12, 2014 11:26 AM Subscribe
Took doctor's advice and it made me worse. How do I cope with making a mistake that may prevent me from getting pregnant?
I'm a 34 (almost 35) year-old woman who has been trying to get pregnant for the last 1.5 years. Prior to trying to conceive, I decided to try and fix my chronic IBS issues. I went to a couple of doctors who put me on restrictive diets to see if that helped. It didn't, but it did result in my losing my period for 3 months. It came back for a month. Then it didn't return until 2 months later, when I had gained back all the weight I had lost. Unfortunately when it did come back, it was longer, more painful and just different. Prior to this, my periods had always been regular and pretty pain-free.
I decided to ignore the IBS issues and go ahead with trying to have a baby. I was under a lot of stress: not sleeping, crying, depression during this time. After trying naturally, being on Clomid and doing IUIs, a reproductive endocrinologist discovered endometriosis on my ovary via a ultrasound a few weeks ago.
I'm pretty devastated, and it looks like IVF is in my future (with low probability of success). But the main thing I'm having trouble with is blaming myself for causing the endometriosis in the first place by losing weight and losing my period. I can't shake the idea that if I hadn't listened to those doctors, I would now be pregnant.
Anybody gone through something similar? How did you go about forgiving yourself for making a mistake that had a huge effect on your life?