What was it like going on anti-anxiety medication?
March 10, 2014 5:20 PM Subscribe
What was it like going on anti-anxiety medication? Questions about people's experiences
posted by mermily to Health & Fitness (30 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
This past month I went through a medical event where it seemed like something was really wrong and it got me reflecting on my life (things turned okay). The two things that came to the forefront was a sense of gratitude and joy for how many nice things have happened to me in my life and on the other hand a sense of sadness for the ways that my life has been stunted and made small by the ways I am afraid of so many things and feel that I don't measure up. When I was going through everything, a lot of that sort of fell away and I just felt okay to be myself in my awkward and imperfect way and tell people I loved them when I wanted to and say what was on my mind without getting so caught up in how it would play out. It was so nice. It was like I was living without all of the weight of the chatter in my mind and the impulses to try to do everything better and be just right.
I am really dogged by this sense that I'm doing it wrong, whatever it is at the moment. There was a time that my brother came to substitute teach for the class I teach, and I remember one of my co-workers said to him, "You really don't look too much alike." Then he came in her room later that afternoon because there was a behavior issue with one of my students and she said, "You know, when I see that worried expression, you do look like her in a certain way." It hit home because it's like my "worried expression" defines me, and how I go over and over things. The way I pursue hobbies, for example, I never really do things in a casual way, to have fun, I always approach everything like I am one of those horribly pressured child gymnasts from a Lifetime T.V. movie. I like to play piano, and I'd end up going on these weird jags of practicing two or three hours a day when I was tired and exhausted after work. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was like I wanted to punish myself. I am so afraid to speak my mind, and so worried that I'll step on others' toes. When I was looking back, I just got the sense that I've lived this small life.
Anyway, whatever happened this month, I am sort of savoring the feeling of peacefulness or clear vision or the feeling that all of the stuff I worried about just doesn't matter all that much. I think it's probably going to come back. It's pretty ground in to the way I operate and the way my mind works and the way I live... I do mindfulness meditation because I want to be able to live easier and it works to an extent - Sometimes I get really high on the feeling of being connected to everything and in the moment, and it helps me catch myself in the thought patterns I get hung up on. But the truth is, it hasn't made much of a dent in the big things that are making me unhappy I think.
I thought I might want to take anti-anxiety medication and wanted to ask people about their experiences on it. Did it make you feel like you could live more freely and easily? Did it make you feel like you could be more of your true self under all of the layers of worry? Were there other effects that you didn't anticipate?