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March 5, 2014 2:25 PM Subscribe
Is talking early on in a relationship about "not believing in monogamy" a huge red flag?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (60 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm in a very new relationship with someone I'm super excited about. He is really, really awesome. Respectful. Feminist. Giving. Really low key about the usual hot-button dudebro insecurities. Every indication so far is that he's good people. Our relationship so far is very egalitarian.
We recently had the "so are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?" conversation. Very early and prominently in this conversation he asked me what my feelings are about monogamy and told me that he "doesn't believe in" it.
I am not dating anyone else. He is not dating anyone else. He's not married. I've gone to parties with him and attended some of his shows (he's a performer, but in the interest of anonymity I'm keeping this vague), and he hasn't been cagey about our relationship. He's physically demonstrative in public, including at his performance venues.
I'm inclined to trust him. I think his intentions are good. I want to think that this is all very hypothetical, and his aversion to monogamy is just an abstract thing that won't really affect us (at least not in the short term). But I'm also crazy about him and excited to be in a relationship. And, you know, limerance.
Am I completely nuts to be OK with this? Is this a huge red flag I can't afford to ignore?
(Because I'm anonymous - we're a hetero couple. We live in a major US city. We both do creative projects that are prone to breaking boundaries and being free to say and do inappropriate things. We are in our thirties.)