When to tell everyone that I am engaged --> quitting job --> moving?
March 4, 2014 5:33 PM Subscribe
Mr. Anonymous and I are going to tie the knot. Hooray! Ring has been purchased, plans are being quietly made, and basically I'm all sorts of excited and over the moon.
But there are some timing questions. Flurries inside.
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (16 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Mr. Anonymous and I are long-distance and, obviously, upon nuptials we would like to live together. For numerous very good reasons, I will be leaving my job and my town. We are moving together to his current city, and he will keep his current job.
Fact of the matter is: the minute I tell anyone in this town that I am engaged, it will be clear that I am planning to leave my job and move away. I have no fear of being fired or let go because they know that I am planning to leave. I have already spoken to the Chair of the Board (my boss), so he knows that my time here is limited. I asked how he would like me to handle telling my staff, and he said "whatever you want is fine." I was hoping for a bit more direction than that.
The actual date of the wedding is going to depend on when I get a new job. We're okay with that. Obviously, if I can't find a job by the end of fall we're just going to get hitched, I will move down there, and I will continue the job search as an unemployed Mrs. Anonymous.
I can't figure out when I should tell my staff. I stress that this is a small town and if I tell them, everyone in town will know in 30 minutes flat. I can see advantages and disadvantages both ways.
Option #1: Tell staff upon engagement.
Pro: I can wear my pretty ring.
Pro: I don't have to keep secrets. I am a terrible secret keeper.
Pro: It just seems wrong to keep something joyous like that a secret, like it's something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.
Con: Everyone will immediately know that I am leaving this job and moving away.
Con: It may be awkward to have everyone know that I am job searching.
Con: I would have to deal with endless questions about...everything. Engagement, future plans, future plans for my workplace, etc.
Con: Transition process would be in limbo, and everyone will be just waiting until I get a job or give up and move.
Option #2: Tell staff upon finding a new job.
Pro: I can give a definite timeline for when I am leaving.
Pro: Transition process at work can begin immediately upon telling, no limbo.
Pro: I can avoid all but six weeks of endless questions about...everything.
Pro: There will be no weirdness around "boss is job-hunting"
Con: I would have to keep secrets. I am a bad secret keeper - not so much because I can't keep a secret, but because I hate keeping them.
Con: I would have to keep pretty ring off finger. Boo!
Option #3: ????
Like I said, I can see advantages and disadvantages both ways. I'm looking for input - is there anything that I am not thinking of? Have you had to deal with something like this? What did you do - and, looking back, what do you wish you would have done?
Some final notes:
- all wedding/house shopping will be done in Mr. Anonymous' city, so there's no chance of a staff member seeing me trying on a wedding dress in town or anything like that.
- Right now the only people in town who know are the Chair of the Board and one friend. Both are trustworthy to keep their mouths shut. Indeed, I don't think the Chair of the Board cares either way!