Help me do the right thing with my best mate. (Baby sitting question)
March 4, 2014 3:55 AM Subscribe
I said I'd baby sit, then pulled out with four weeks notice. How do I make this up to her?
posted by jujulalia to Human Relations (33 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I live in the big smoke unmarried, unbabied with my partner. My best friend lives in the countryside with husband and 20 month old. We all live about 24 hours flight from our families (best friend moved out here last September).
A few weeks ago my best friend rang me up asking if I could travel 5 hours (each way) to come and baby sit. I thought it was a big ask, but told her I should be able to do it, but email me the dates to confirm and so I could black out my diary.
We're both struggling professional musicians. Blacking out a whole weekend is a HUGE deal for me, but she had a fun music project on and it's hard for her in the countryside to get gigs, so I thought if try to help out.
Of course, I got a request to work that weekend, I'm desperate for work and she didn't email me for weeks.
She eventually emailed me, and I was overloaded and didn't reply for a week before getting back in touch and saying that I couldn't really turn down my work, but offered to cover baby sitting fees.
Now my best mate is very angry! She's having a really hard time being so far away from family, friends and familiarity, and she's been hit by weird weather the countryside has been having. She took our phone conversation as me being an absolute yes, and now that my promise was shabby because I ditched her. She also is very angry because now she'll have to cancel playing her (unpaid) concert.
I emailed back saying that I didn't realise she'd have to cancel playing. I offered to cover baby sitting fees. I also offered to come down one of the two night. She's also angry at the late reply.
I don't really understand. Is it impossible to get a sitter with 4 weeks notice? She seems to think having a sitter too many nights running is too much for the kid?
My partner thinks the ask was too much on her part. I'm considering angering my work and pulling out so I can get down there to cover baby sitting. My partner thinks that's a ridiculous idea.
I love my best friend. How can I mitigate the dickish move I made? I don't want to point out that she failed to email me for weeks. It feels petty and point scoring. I want to fix this problem in a loving way!
So two main questions here: 1) Is she being reasonable refusing to hire a sitter for many nights running? 2) Am I a giant jerk that should never be loved again? How can I make this right?