Being New Money in an Old Money World

February 28, 2014 10:14 AM

I am interested to read some commentary / discussion / critiques / first-person accounts about social climbing in our current society (preferably U. S. based). About both sides of the coin - people who are either successful or unsuccessful at navigating a change from lower-class to upper-middle-class, or beyond.

I am interested to read some commentary / discussion / critiques / first-person accounts about social climbing in our current society (preferably U. S. based). About both sides of the coin - people who are either successful or unsuccessful at navigating a change from lower-class to upper-middle-class, or beyond.

What they struggle with, particularly in terms of feeling like a fraud, and in feeling like new friends are not "real" friends (to elaborate, I'm thinking here of fair-weather-friends rather than those who would still have your back if you fell back into a low-income situation for instance).

Perhaps a bit about managing self-esteem and self-confidence in unfamiliar territory. Perhaps a bit about how they manage to make "real" friends in their new world. Is it all based on money? Do they use their children to help foster their own friendships with other well-to-do parents?

I would also be interested to see things written from an Old Money perspective, about circumstances under which New Money would be readily welcomed into the social circle, or if it is always sort of left on the fringes.

If you can point me to any articles, blogs, books, etc. For reference, the time frame I'm most interested in would be no more than 25 years old, but I welcome all suggestions just the same.

posted by vignettist to Human Relations (5 answers total)

For the rich perspective, one starting point might be Lewis Lapham's Money and Class in America. A little dated perhaps for your specific time frame, but you might still find it useful.

Also,“Old Money”: The Making of America’s Upper Class.

Interesting question.
posted by IndigoJones at 10:25 AM on February 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Class by Paul Fussell is pretty great for this.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:33 AM on February 28, 2014 [3 favorites]

I know a lot of people who grew up in the very lowest reaches of the middle class or slightly below, and now have a net worth of maybe 10-25 million that they accrued working at high-tech companies. They mostly hang out with their kind -- well-educated and prosperous, but not necessarily rich. If they send their kids to private schools or go to well-heeled churches, they do mingle with some "old money" people. I used to hear quite a bit of "now that I have all this money, I feel like I'm putting off my non-wealthy friends." But I've never heard any of them say, "I'm rich, but still not getting enough respect from the 'better sorts'" If you're interested in this kind of population, please let me know.
posted by wryly at 12:38 PM on February 28, 2014

Could you research modern-historical figures and read biographies?
- Barack Obama
- Kate Middleton

There is loads of information out there about Kate and how she successfully navigated social politics, although it sounds like the society girls were quite nasty to her & her sister.

Leil Lowndes wrote about marrying up (How to make anyone fall in love with you) and communication (How to talk to anyone) which is all about how to verbally and non-verbally communicate confidence & class in order to social climb.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:54 PM on February 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

You might be interested in the book Limbo: Blue-Collar Roots, White-Collar Dreams by Alfred Lubrano. It seemed to ring true when I read it years ago. From the blurb on Amazon:

". an overlooked cultural phenomenon: the internal conflict within individuals raised in blue-collar homes, now living white-collar lives. These people often find that the values of the working class are not sufficient guidance to navigate the white-collar world, where unspoken rules reflect primarily upper-class values. Torn between the world they were raised in and the life they aspire too, they hover between worlds, not quite accepted in either. Himself the son of a Brooklyn bricklayer, Lubrano informs his account with personal experience and interviews with other professionals living in limbo."
posted by Librarienne at 4:06 PM on March 1, 2014 [2 favorites]