Reduced to oatmeal and bare steamed veg
February 26, 2014 2:38 PM Subscribe
This is me: http://ask.metafilter.com/256886/GSOH-is-killing-my-love-life. The last few weeks have been tumultuous, wild, and showed how much my SO and her kids care for me (and me for them). I found an office and in so doing actually found a better job with a well-regarded local small business within walking distance of my home. Now, I can go home for lunch but be out when the boys get home. However, a recent trip to America brought about a catalytic trauma over food, which has plunged me into an existential crisis i fear is much greater than what I went through........
First thing, I gave up chocolate voluntarily when I was 19 after years of balking at the idea. A lot of foods give me GERD, and I thought I was managing myself well. then since 2009: bananas, mint, now citrus, hops, fizzy drinks, tomatoes, raw and cooked fruits such as berries and apples have been pushed off my plate. Then, an article on pork production at one farm in America succeeded in making the sight and thought of ham/pork completely gagging, wrenching in my throat. I now can't even say the word without conjuring disgust.
I am at a loss and feel as though I am in mourning for both a loss of innocence and my own inability to put forward a solution. These allergies are not weight or quantity related. Simply digestion of even small amounts triggers the sphincter at the bottom of my esophagus, above my stomach, to come loose for long periods.
My biological family and my SO's family can really eat whatever they please. On the other hand I have found my diet excised of one significant taste after another.
I had been able to deal with chocolate well enough to get used to it. Mint was a bigger problem. Bananas? Who really needs a banana. The most recent loss (two weeks ago) of citrus, backed up by medical work from two consultants, has now triggered an existential crisis so large I feel myself grieving as though I have lost the ability to reproduce. Joys of tastes lost now completely drill in my brain and make me weep. I fear I am more and more becoming a food voyeur, trying to grasp excitement from other's pleasure of taste. A cuckold of sorts...
I don't need recipes or food advice. I have plenty of both of these from experts and non experts alike. I need help to cope with this loss and my grief. My faith in god over the last 14 days has completely collapsed. I told a pastor about it all and he suggested I have seen there is no heaven on earth and salvation is too far away to attain with dignity or grace. Powerful words from a man of god; it felt like a firing. I am searching everywhere for meaning but only finding more unethical economies and misplaced sympathy.
I purchased some grapefruit scented body wash as a way to preserve the memory. I am hoping aromatherapy will become less depressing as time goes on. The very smell of some foods the last two weeks has lead to such an intense desire that I often become an unbearable person to others and have to lock myself away.
Most people I talk to face to face cannot fathom this sadness. My most recent therapist suggested the problem was alcoholism, but I have cut down very significantly with another specialist therapist. I went so far as telling family and friends I can no longer be part of this drinking world except small sips on special occasions. Like how some people only eat pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.
I feel perhaps if I raised and slaughtered animals myself perhaps I could grow more trusting of meat again. I do not have the resources or time to do this. For now, I do not even know if I will be able to handle meat.
I cannot think there are therapists for this. My own contacts are at a loss. Naturopathy is an idea, CBT is another I am toying with. I am already meeting with a vegan cook once a month to try new recipes. Could you recommend anything or any person who might be of help, or a reputable food allergy forum not chock full of breakers and griefers?
First thing, I gave up chocolate voluntarily when I was 19 after years of balking at the idea. A lot of foods give me GERD, and I thought I was managing myself well. then since 2009: bananas, mint, now citrus, hops, fizzy drinks, tomatoes, raw and cooked fruits such as berries and apples have been pushed off my plate. Then, an article on pork production at one farm in America succeeded in making the sight and thought of ham/pork completely gagging, wrenching in my throat. I now can't even say the word without conjuring disgust.
I am at a loss and feel as though I am in mourning for both a loss of innocence and my own inability to put forward a solution. These allergies are not weight or quantity related. Simply digestion of even small amounts triggers the sphincter at the bottom of my esophagus, above my stomach, to come loose for long periods.
My biological family and my SO's family can really eat whatever they please. On the other hand I have found my diet excised of one significant taste after another.
I had been able to deal with chocolate well enough to get used to it. Mint was a bigger problem. Bananas? Who really needs a banana. The most recent loss (two weeks ago) of citrus, backed up by medical work from two consultants, has now triggered an existential crisis so large I feel myself grieving as though I have lost the ability to reproduce. Joys of tastes lost now completely drill in my brain and make me weep. I fear I am more and more becoming a food voyeur, trying to grasp excitement from other's pleasure of taste. A cuckold of sorts...
I don't need recipes or food advice. I have plenty of both of these from experts and non experts alike. I need help to cope with this loss and my grief. My faith in god over the last 14 days has completely collapsed. I told a pastor about it all and he suggested I have seen there is no heaven on earth and salvation is too far away to attain with dignity or grace. Powerful words from a man of god; it felt like a firing. I am searching everywhere for meaning but only finding more unethical economies and misplaced sympathy.
I purchased some grapefruit scented body wash as a way to preserve the memory. I am hoping aromatherapy will become less depressing as time goes on. The very smell of some foods the last two weeks has lead to such an intense desire that I often become an unbearable person to others and have to lock myself away.
Most people I talk to face to face cannot fathom this sadness. My most recent therapist suggested the problem was alcoholism, but I have cut down very significantly with another specialist therapist. I went so far as telling family and friends I can no longer be part of this drinking world except small sips on special occasions. Like how some people only eat pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.
I feel perhaps if I raised and slaughtered animals myself perhaps I could grow more trusting of meat again. I do not have the resources or time to do this. For now, I do not even know if I will be able to handle meat.
I cannot think there are therapists for this. My own contacts are at a loss. Naturopathy is an idea, CBT is another I am toying with. I am already meeting with a vegan cook once a month to try new recipes. Could you recommend anything or any person who might be of help, or a reputable food allergy forum not chock full of breakers and griefers?
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex
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