Is it me or my meds?
February 25, 2014 8:58 AM Subscribe
Are my meds making me feel miserable and hopeless or is it the depression trying to peek through (no worries; not going to do anything)?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
How does one know if their medication is giving them ugly thoughts or is it their situation? I WON'T do anything about it because I have a toddler whom I love very much but lately, I've been having these "if it weren't for him, that's it" thoughts and I'm starting to wonder if it's my prozac?
I've been on 20 mg for about 3 years. It's been going well. I had a few lapses where my therapist thought that upping to 30mg would help but I'm hypersensitive to dosages and it turned into heavy anxiety and the shakes like I was on coke. So we went back down to 20mg. But she also noticed a trend in PMS time and depression/moodiness as well as constant low energy levels so she added Deplin (15mg) to my regimen. It's been going ok as far as tired levels but I'm also feeling a bit hyper and anxious where I'm having a hard time focusing, I hate my
job, I just hate life. Part of it is because both of my parents died within 1.5 years of each other after long battling health issues and it was very hard to realize you are born, go to work to make sure you don't go broke and then bam you get old, sick and you die. To me, that's just bullshit and it's left me jaded. I'm not sad that my parents are gone (I would describe it as weird; we had a dysfunctional relationship) but not depressed that I lost my parents. They were old and very ill so I accept what happened. But what I can't accept is this feeling of I'm 42 and all I do is wake up, go to work, come home, spend an hour with our son and go to bed. Fun time is non existent. Work, due to a reorg, is so pointless and with no direction I wake up wondering why do I even go---BUT it has awesome benefits so here I am due to responsibility.
I could go on and on about the overwhelming feeling that being responsible is my only goal in life ( and that sucks) but I won't.
My point is I dont' know if it's the prozac talking or my depression trying to break through the prozac and it's manifesting like this. I don't want to tell my therapist either that I'm having these thoughts because I cannot risk being committed. I WON'T do anything. I am just being honest with how I am feeling and I don't want to be punished for telling the truth (I did that when I was in my 20s and wound up involuntarily committed and it was a traumatic experience).
Any advice on how to approach it? I'm also nervous of the guinea pig effect antidepressants have--you have trial and error until you can find something. I would LOVE to take time off to get recharged but I can't risk it with work but honestly, I also know I am 1,000% burned out on life after dealing with so much in such a short time.
Also, any advice on how to handle the work situation if I need a break without risking my job or making them think I'm some sort of nut case they have to worry about (which they don't). I don't want to lose my job and honestly, its' the best job I'm going to get. But it's really hard to be at work when some days my anxiety and feelings make me want to either run away and go home or just cry at my desk out of fear of how I'm feeling.