Should I bother pursing this?
February 24, 2014 8:53 PM Subscribe
Your typical should I ask him out question. Complicating factors: colleagues, large age gap and two people who work too much.
posted by norwegian wood to Human Relations (18 answers total)
I hooked up with a colleague (we work in the same, fairly small and very gossipy workplace, but in different departments, not directly with each other) at a work party about a month ago. We exchanged numbers and after a bit of texting banter, running into each other at work a few times and going to dinner once, nothing else has happened. The dinner was nice, we got on really well, and made some vague plans to hang out again. He is new at work, so I invited him to my department's after work drinks and then to dinner with the whole "I'm unexpectedly free tonight, want to hang out?" thing and he declined both times, saying he was busy, but it sounded great (but also didn't suggest anything else).
To be fair he does have very time intensive hobbies and we both have crazy work schedules, but I'm unclear where to go from here. On one hand, I feel as if I have made my intentions clear that I am interested and I guess he is just too busy/not interested, and the ball is in his court now to contact me. The cliche "you make time for what you want to do" is ringing in my ears too.
On the other hand, I've never actually asked him on a date, I've always kept it intentionally casual, and I think he's pretty oblivious to advances, and I'll never know if I don't ask him out. He also might really, genuinely be too busy when I've asked him in the past.
Other relevant info:
- He has a toddler aged child (not an issue for me, just to add to the busy-ness)
- He is around 10 years older than me (I'm a mid 20's female and he's a mid 30's male)
- He has just started a new career and a new workplace, it's a stressful and time-consuming career which isn't going to change in the near future
Help me, Metafilter, where do I go from here? Wait for him to text me (or not)? Give up and find someone more available who I don't work with? Or take it on face value that he is interested but busy and ask him on a date?