how to deal with unsupportive friend after rape?
February 21, 2014 9:25 AM Subscribe
If it's important I'm a young woman. I don't want to talk about the rape or let this get derailed by suggestions of getting professional help. I'm seeing a counselor now and have dealt with the situation. But what's been eating away at me is a friend's reaction in the immediate aftermath.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (72 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
He was the first one I told days after it happened. Because I didn't have the courage to bring it up in person I sent him an email telling him and asking if he would talk with me briefly about it in person or at least just listen. I also told him that I was looking into getting professional help as well but he was the first person I had had the courage to tell. He didn't respond for a long time. Finally I got an email back from him with links to a hotline to call and saying that he wouldn't talk with me about what happened because it was too sensitive to him. His email was cold and almost business like.
I was shocked since this guy has always portrayed himself as a nice person. His response sent me spiraling back into the trauma for a few hours. A couple of days later I ran into him at a event that we both regularly attend. We were outside in the parking lot alone and he practically ignored me, walked right past me. I stopped him and asked him why he was being that way and he said "what way?" Again, I asked him if he would talk to me. He finally agreed but said "ok you have five minutes." We found an empty room inside the building and sat on a couch. He sat at the extreme other end from me. There were flourescent lights inside. I felt weird and exposed and asked him if it would be okay if I turned them off while I spoke. He just said "no, I'd prefer we kept them on." So I kept them on. I told him what happened and started to break down bawling.
All he said was "you should seek professional help."
I told him I was in the process of doing so but I needed to tell somebody I was close to (I thought he was somebody I could trust before this). He said, "I'm sorry, I can't help you."
I got ready to leave and I asked him for a hug. He flinched and said "a brief one."
I responded, "forget it" and left.
The whole time he barely would look at me and treated me as if I had some sort of disease.
Now I'm questioning whether I should hold on to him as a friend. His behavior made me feel even worse...almost like a weird repeat of what happened.
What do I make of this?