I'm a single gay lady in my mid-30s. I'm relatively out (but obviously not fully out, judging by the fact that I'm posting this anonymously). I find myself crushing on a lovely woman for the first time since I last got my heart broken, something like six years ago, and have been single that whole time. The problem here is that the lovely woman is so wrong for me (on paper, anyhow), for so many reasons, that I'm unsure if I should try to pursue things, or even if there's anything to pursue. Snowflake details inside!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (30 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I like her. A lot. I'm attracted to her, I think she's smart, funny, kind and beautiful. But she and I have two professional relationships going with each other at the moment. I'm doing some work for her website while she's my physiotherapist. My work for her will be wrapped up in the next week. I can't imagine my physiotherapy will go on for much longer as I've been seeing her since October and my injured area is nearly back to normal, so perhaps two or three more sessions remain (which would take us through the end of March as I see her about every two weeks).
The other major issue is her age. She is over a decade younger than me. While that's not insurmountable, I feel the difference in age between us at this juncture makes a difference, since she's in her mid-20s.
Finally, I'm not sure about her orientation. I know she's had a serious boyfriend before, but they've been broken up for over a year. She's currently single. And... well, she (very seriously) plays a sport that would tend to suggest that she's gay or bi. As in, a lot of women playing this sport are presumed to be gay. I know, I know, someone's hobbies don't mean they're gay, but I can't help but think the odds could be in my favour. ;) That said, she also tweeted favourably about Ellen Page coming out...
Anyhow, I keep trying to talk myself OUT of crushing for the above reasons, but no luck. I'm pretty smitten.
She doesn't know that I'm gay or, at least, I've never expressly mentioned that I'm gay (or mentioned an ex-girlfriend or whatever). Mostly because it would be really awkward to let a woman know that I am INTO women while said woman is rubbing various parts of my body, while she's being paid to do so...
However, we had an appointment on Valentine's Day and I bought her a small bag of chocolates (and a small card saying that everyone deserves chocolate today, so happy Valentine's Day!) and enlisted the aid of the clinic's receptionist to see that she got them (because I am a chicken!). She got them and immediately emailed me and thanked me profusely, calling me very sweet and saying how nice it was of me to leave her chocolates and she wished me a happy Valentine's Day, too.
Then, since I work on her website which has her Instagram feed integrated, when I got back to working on it a couple of hours later, I realized that she'd taken a picture of the bag of chocolates and the card and ADDED HEARTS to the picture and uploaded that to Instagram. With a blushing smiley emoji, a red heart emoji and a blowing-a-kiss emoji. And hashtags including #veryhappygirl #lovelovelove #morelove #mwa
So the chocolates were well-received, obviously. :D
I feel as though the next step would be to hang out, outside the clinic, which we haven't done yet. (She's been a great client for me as we've understood each other brilliantly through just emailing back and forth, so we haven't needed an in-person meeting, much to my disappointment!) But would that be super weird? Someone 10+ years older than her, asking her to hang out, while she's still my physiotherapist?
Or do I wait until after my physio's all done with? Or do I just sit on the crush and not do anything because it would be so weird and she's too young for me anyhow?
I should mention that, at this point, I just really want to get to know her better. I'd kind of like to ascertain whether or not she likes girls before I ask her on a *date*, and I think the best way to do that is probably to chat in a social situation, where I'd come out to her (if she hasn't already figured it out due to the chocolates and/or comments from the receptionist who DEFINITELY knows I like my physiotherapist, judging by her comments to me regarding the chocolates) and see where things go from there.
I just don't want things to get awkward due to the professional relationships, but I really want to maintain some kind of personal relationship with her going forward, even if it's a friendship. She's just that awesome. :) I just don't really know how to get started from this weird situation. Advice would be lovely!
Throwaway email: askmefi94 at gmail