Resources for abusive spouses seeking help?
February 19, 2014 5:51 AM Subscribe
I've just left an abusive relationship and have found information and support from domestic violence organizations, churches, therapists, etc. for myself as a victim of domestic violence. What I haven't found is information I can pass on to my ex to support his willingness to seek help. Is there a comprehensive list of links to mental health resources that explain to an abuser/person with anger issues how to seek help or, even better, how to do the work necessary to make that help useful?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Corollary: do people like this ever improve or find enough self awareness to keep themselves in check?
I recognize it is likely that he does not actually believe he needs help but is saying he is willing to seek treatment in order to get me back. We have children together and anything that improves his restraint and anger management will help our kids have a good relationship with him in the future.
I contacted a family therapist back in November but had difficulty pinning him and my ex down at the same time for a meeting. I left my job shortly after that (for reasons directly relating to the abuse). My ex contacted the therapist yesterday to set up an appt (at my urging) but it became clear shortly afterward that despite the fact that I was packing my belongings and very direct about the reasons I was back at the house, he believed I was home to stay and it is unlikely he intends to follow through with the appointment.
I am still in the early stages of momentum, of accepting that his treatment of me was in fact abusive, and of moving past my own fear that he will retaliate against me or my kids so that I can do the work necessary of getting us into a house and making it into a home as quickly as possible. We live in as small town and I have few if any friends here. I also need therapy and as soon as I have my kids in a safe place I will be contacting one, possibly also for mediation (my ex is making it difficult to get my things, and when I find myself in his presence and he starts behaving as though I've told him I'm staying I find myself not correcting him to keep him calm long enough to get away). Thanks Metafilter.