Dealing with a rapist, 20 years later
February 18, 2014 7:27 AM Subscribe
Twenty years ago, I was forcibly raped and beaten by someone in my social circle. It happened on a road trip, miles from anywhere, and he made it clear that he would leave me in the mountains if I said anything. I didn't go to the police, because I was a buxom girl who wore revealing clothes and flirted constantly, and had a significant drinking problem. I knew the prosecutor would never try the case, and even if they did, the slut defense would work.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (18 answers total)
I told a few friends, mostly women who might find themselves alone with him, but other than that, I just walked away from the very insular industry that we shared, and never went back.
A few years ago, I stopped drinking. I've only had one major fall from the wagon, and that was at a convention where I saw a lot of these people for the first time in decades, and something inside me just twitched, and I found myself up all night drinking again.
Subsequently, I felt horrible about myself and the drinking, but got back on the wagon and started working on trying to figure out how and why it happened. Then last week, news broke that one of the linchpin humans of my social group of that period had died. I was asked to help with hostess duties for the wake/celebration, which are being held at another convention.
I was fine with doing it. I had a lot of support built in for the sobriety thing, it was all going well...and then someone invited the man who raped me, and he accepted. My hands haven't stopped shaking since I found out. My stomach is in knots, I'm tremblingly close to tears all the time, and yesterday I found myself parked outside a liquor store. I didn't go in...but I sat there for a long time. I can't do this event. I can't. It's killing me to even think of having to sit face to face with this man and be polite. I can't do it. I can't.
I need help extracting myself from this event, but I need to do it in a way that causes zero drama, and in fact, perhaps passes unnoticed. Someone else made me the "host" of the party on the Facebook invite thingy, there are apparently hundreds of people now invited, and the last thing in the world I want is to be the focus of either attention or drama.
How do I gracefully get out of an event which happens Friday....just days from now, where I am theoretically the hostess?
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- jessamyn