Why am I so hung up on this jerk?
February 17, 2014 7:26 PM Subscribe
I've been nursing a crush on one of the bartenders at the restaurant where I work for a few months. I always knew that he had "a way with the ladies," so to speak, but didn't realize how much of a ridiculous womanizer he is until I had lunch with a friend today and she spilled the details to me and ugh I FEEL TERRIBLE AND STUPID. More after the jump.
posted by takemetosocktown to Human Relations (22 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
He started paying extra attention to me - telling me that I looked pretty, asking about my other job, my dog etc. and just being a big flirt in general - a couple months ago. I was quite taken with him. Things cooled off about a month ago. I wasn't quite sure why, but I was a bit disappointed. We were both busy. Whatever. I was a bit disappointed, but I'm a big girl and I can handle a crush not working out. Probably best not shit where you eat, right?
But . . .
I had lunch today with a friend who I knew hooked up with him a while ago. What I didn't know was that he'd hooked up with, like, most of the female staff where I work. My friend also said that he said something about wanting to be her boyfriend recently, but she dismissed it as his usual "I will say anything to get laid" playbook. (I was, of course, unreasonably gutted by and jealous over this). I'm grappling with
-The sad realization that this guy is a total sleazebag
-Feeling unpretty and un-special because he's hooked up with everyone but me
-Feeling like this all plays into a big recurring theme in my romantic life: I am, apparently, an unattainable ice queen and it's not that guys don't want me, but they don't really try because . . . ?
So, other than "don't crush on cute bartenders," what can I draw from this experience? I want to be a sex-positive person and not judge someone for their number of sexual partners, but the way this guy goes about it just strikes me as kind of gross, for whatever reason. I just regret the amount of mental energy I spent on this guy and I feel like such a fucking fool, and weirdly enough, I feel left out. How do I act at work? How do I learn not to fall for these dorks? How do I close the door in my brain that keeps letting these thoughts in?