How does someone with staqe 4 cancer find The One?
February 14, 2014 8:58 PM Subscribe
I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in October at age 44. I'm single and as I always have, want someone solid and good in my life, but am concerned that my terminal diagnosis would make any rational, loving man I meet run for the hills. I'm still learning how to live with this disease and have no idea how to approach my status with someone new in my life without scaring the shit out of them. MeFi community, would you be my Valentine tonight and hope me that yes, it's possible that I could find someone to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how long or short a period that might be?
posted by deliciae to Human Relations (18 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I'm finishing up a second cycle of chemo after a first that was a dramatic fiery hell with side effects, but made one tumor go away completely and reduced the others by a significant percentage (YAY!) The new drug I am on now is much better with only minor side effects thus far. I haven't lost my hair, but I did receive a fun blue wig as a present that I rock occasionally anyway. My scan results have been great so far, my spirit and energy and libido are coming back and I am starting to feel like me again, albeit with a new "fuck it" attitude and a lot less fear that I carried with me previously. After a lot of ongoing work and therapy to calm myself down, I like the person I am becoming through this tribulation so far.
Upon reflection, I realize that nobody comes with a guarantee, and if faced with deciding whether or not to embark on a relationship with a man in my situation, I'd probably take the chance on someone sufficiently spectacular. I've got a lot to offer the right person myself. There have to be men out there that believe the same, right? If so, how do I find them?
I've never been as accomplished a flirt as I would like to be, though I have been in several good long term relationships that originated online - when I jump into the dating pool, okcupid is generally where I start. I don't know how much luck I will have there now, though I will probably reactivate my profile when I feel ready. Where/how else should I think about trying to bump into men who might be able to deal with this situation?
So many questions. I'm not seeking permission from the internet to date (I will put out myself out there as soon as I feel physically capable of doing it) as much as I am looking for reassurance that there may be some guys out there that won't run screaming when I break this to them (success story anecdata especially appreciated), and some technical assistance on where to find them and how to share with them what I am going through. There is a voice in my head trying to convince me that real lasting love isn't going to happen for me in whatever time I have left, and I want to shut it down. Can you help me?