My boyfriend and I are scheduled to have a talk on Monday that may very well lead to us breaking up. How do I manage until then?
This is about the same boyfriend from one of my previous questions
. We had some communication issues in our LDR when he'd not contact me for almost a week and then explained he was "busy" (I know he had exams etc., but I also saw him online playing games, which would be fine if he had just told me he needed some time to relax) until I told him he'd either be better at contacting me or I'd have to reconsider whether I want to still consider what we have a relationship. (Don't know if that was an okay thing to do...)
He texted me a little something almost every day since then, and on Sunday we finally skyped again after his exams were over. I felt weird when we did, and I'm assuming it was because probably, some part of me had already detached itself from him while we had very little contact, while another big part of me still loves him and misses him a lot.
As I've mentioned in the previous question, we have different ideas of the future, with me being a family-type girl and him being a (self-diagnosed somewhat Aspie) loner. This has been giving me anxiety for a while now, and I have brought it up before. He usually says things like "I have no intention of breaking up with you" (does that mean now??) or "I feel like my ideals are slowly changing" or "the possibility of changing my mind about marriage is low, but it's not zero" (way to dangle a carrot!), which don't really help to ease my confusion and anxiety.
I talked to my therapist about it and we agree that maybe breaking up is the best thing to do if these maybes turn out to be definite no's. My boyfriend asked for some time to think, so we're not Skyping today, but on Monday. He's at his parents for the weekend, and I am scheduled to play tourist guide for a group of students from Japan (from the university I left last year, and with the professor whose class I TA'd for and met him, which she doesn't know about...)
Last night, I cried while thinking about all the things I still wanted to do together. Like, I bought a red dress because he loves red, but he's never even seen me wear it outside of Skype, and if we break up he never will and I'll never wear it again etc. etc. I also still have things I wanted to send him, and recipes I wanted to make for him, and it's all just so sad. I'm considering the scheduled breakup someone mentioned in my previous question so that we could still spend the summer together and do all these things we wanted, but I'm not sure it's a good idea...
So, to cut a long story short: How do I deal now? I will have two very stressful days tomorrow and on Sunday where I need to function, and also things to do next Tuesday after the possible breakup. Argh. :(