I, female, live with my (male) bff. He has a new girlfriend, and I'm getting clingy/possessive vibes from her that make me feel like she is trying to edge me out. He, of course, is infatuated and doesn't see this. How do I deal with this while preserving my living situation and best friend-ship?
tl;dr: Should I wait out the honeymoon phase of their relationship, or should I talk to him about how his (and her) behavior is making me uncomfortable in my space (i.e. our small studio apartment)?
So, roomie met this girl 3 weeks ago. They saw each other every day for a week, and a couple times a week since. He introduced her and I over brunch 5 days in to knowing her. All of this is very atypical for him. He's dated several people while I've known him, and while we've lived together, and normally he doesn't see the new person so much and doesn't introduce me on purpose.
So I've been trying to adjust, and also trying to figure out if his change in behavior was her or him (i.e., is he really into this girl? or is he as into her as he normally is with a new girl, but she's super needy and constantly asking to hang out?). I think it's a bit of both, because from talking to him he's *more* into her than the other girls he's dated, but also he's reveling in the "this girl is suuuuuper into me" thing because she's constantly trying to spend time with him.
Anyhow, I generally try to support what he wants to do and be there to talk him through stuff, and encourage him in the right direction because he can be a bit dense when it comes to interpersonal relations. I pushed him to decide if he wanted a relationship with this girl or not, because he is typically excessively slow to commit to a bf/gf thing, and she seemed like the kind of girl who was looking for a monogamous relationship (which he concurred with), basically talking him through what he wanted and thought etc, and he decided to ask her to be his gf.
And drama ensues. He has, in the past, dropped plans with me b/c he double booked himself. He hadn't done this for quite a while, but now it's starting (with her). He invited her to stay over last night (initially b/c her power was out, and then when it came on she decided to come anyhow). We live in a tiny apartment, it's technically a studio, and before we decided to live together had the "what if" convo about relationships -- we decided: no sex in the apartment while other roommate is there, and no staying over until it's a serious relationship. Well, he forgot about the 2nd part. i was of course ok with her crashing when she had no power or heat, but he invited her over conditionally ("if your power is still out, you're welcome to stay over'). She literally only came over to sleep b/c he got out of work at nearly 11, and in our tiny apartment where my bedroom is separated by curtains and he lives on a twin bed in a walk-in closet, it's really full to have a 3rd person. I felt really imposed upon and uncomfortable, slept like crap, and felt like I had to get out before they woke up so I wouldn't have to deal with the lovey-dovey breakfast cooking in our teensy kitchen.
So... how do I deal with this situation? She seemed like a nice girl at first, but my opinion quickly changed. Is this just because they're in the honeymoon phase, and i should just bide my time until they chill out a bit?
I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own apartment, but he's my best friend and I don't want to impinge on his newfound happiness by being upset about this. I've also read "Things my bf's female best friend should know"
and the "opposite perspective" one
, which were insightful and I believe a pretty accurate representation of what's happening. I'm not comfortable with having a virtual stranger stay in my space, where none of my belongings are behind locked doors. But I don't want to upset or drive away my best friend just because I'm having trouble dealing with his new relationship. Should I talk to him, and if so what should I say?
*Note: this is the same roomie I asked about before. Previous situation was resolved with us communicating and devising a solution that worked for us both -- a "chore chart" -- because he is perfectly willing and just didn't know what to do. Things have been great.