Just another question about a possibly-doomed relationship.
January 27, 2014 1:27 PM Subscribe
I'm feeling very taken for granted by my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. Is this relationship doomed.
posted by Lillypad331 to Human Relations (45 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Yes, I know you're all strangers, but it might help getting some perspective from new minds.
We're both in our early 30's and neither of us has a ton of relationship experience. I've been in 2, year/2 year-long relationships previous to this one and he hasn't been in any. So basically, it's the blind leading the blind. We are also both independent people. We both own our own houses and are career-oriented. I'm very extroverted though and he, introverted. He's also a lot more of a workaholic. All in all, I feel like I have my life together and I'm ready to find that partner.
We've been together for about a year now. 4 months into the relationship, he broke up with me suddenly. I was really shocked because he had pursued me and we clicked very well. I went No Contact immediately and 2 months later, he reached out and begged for me back. We've now been back together for about 6 months.
He really has been a lot better these past 6 months- more attentive and affectionate. I've met his family and friends; go to home dinners and birthday parties at his family's house. We spent some of the holidays together. He includes me more..., but I feel like he's always hitting the brakes when it comes to our relationship. I also feel like it's gotten to the point where he is now completely taking me for granted. It's really really frustrating, because we do get along so well, make each other laugh, are affectionate, love each other's friends.
He lives like 15 minutes away from me and I still rarely see him. He never invites me over- I'm always having to invite myself, in which I usually feel like I'm being a burden. He actually told me last weekend that he didn't want to see anyone- just wanted to play video games, which really hurt. I told him recently that I wanted to see him more during the week. I feel like it's always work getting together with him. We don't share many hobbies and he works until the late evening. All in all, I probably see him one evening during the week (maybe) and 1-2 evenings during the weekend. We never just sit around and watch movies- we only get together if there is an event or function. I'm starting to feel like I'm around just so he can have a date.
I usually crave a lot of closeness and love being around people. It helps that I have a lot of friends and my own life, but there just doesn't seem to be much partnership with him. We DO talk every night on the telephone, but there just isn't much quality time. If he does come over, he falls asleep almost immediately... or he's playing video games. Our sex life goes up and down, and recently, he hasn't been able to orgasm with me, even though I'm completely open to anything. I try to ask him what he would like and he just says "I don't know."
I guess I'm trying to figure out the best way to approach this. I've tried to bring up my issues before and he tells me I'm being dramatic. I do have anxiety issues, which is what confuses me at times. Am I blowing things out of proportion? There have been times in the past where I have just been fed up, but then he acts really sweet and loving that it takes me by surprise. I have a really hard time walking away, especially when I click with someone. I rarely do click with guys. That's why I'm so frustrated. :(
I rarely hear from him during the work day.
He hasn't told me he loves me (A big one) BUT he usually acts like he does.
He's gotten really obsessed with this particular video game and not responding back to me until like hours later- via text.
Maybe it's just a difference in emotional needs? Like I need more... but I really care for him. Someone suggested that I back WAY off and see what he does. Any thoughts on this approach?