Help me Identify Homo Sapiens Sapiens in the Field from a Distance
January 21, 2014 3:54 PM Subscribe
My dad, god love him, was a knuckle dragging Neanderthal who would tell you straight up that he did not do "women's work." I was one of the top three students of my graduating high school class with visions of having a fulfilling life as part of a two career couple. I got married at age 19 in part to try to escape the caves I grew up in and enter the modern world. By the time I figured out that my husband was also a troglodyte and, in spite of knowing more about food prep than how to toast bread, was very much a believer in keeping the women "barefoot and pregnant," I was already pregnant. I am looking for assistance in figuring how to spot Homo Sapiens Sapiens -- you know, Modern Man -- from a distance so I don't wind up trapped for the next two decades with yet another cave dweller whom I mistook for a Modern Man due to his amazing spiffy business suit fooling me handily.
So, I am looking for feedback from anyone (of any gender or sexual orientation) who ever did the two career couple thing. I am especially interested in things like how you met and what were the earliest indicators that this person would fit into your life and not torpedo your career plans.
posted by Michele in California to Human Relations (32 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I know the bazillion and one ways that this can go wrong. I am abundantly familiar with media stories about famous two career couples who split because they could just not juggle two careers, kids, and whatever whatever. I am looking for some feedback and examples on what DOES work, not what does not, and especially how you know it when you see it at the earliest stages.
I have been alone a long time and I am expecting to re-enter the relationship game in the near future. I cannot for the life of me wrap my brain around how to make this work. I feel I am finally on track with my career plans (at the age of 48!) and when I try to imagine adding a man back into the mix, I get the Blue Screen of Death. I am terrified that I have one and only one shot at picking the right guy, that the first time I get laid I will wind up pregnant and that will be that, I will be stuck and there will never again be the chance for another do-over because I will be like 70 by the time that kid is grown. My panties are so in a wad over this that I have had bad dreams every night for the last several nights, something I almost never have anymore, and I am not even back in the relationship game yet. I am just expecting it to happen soonish yet I am already just losing my shit over this.
I am hoping the moderators will give people some latitude to tell their story because I don't know what I need to know, so I don't know exactly what to ask for. If I knew how to spot it, I wouldn't be asking. Knowing that I am blind is, unfortunately, not a cure for my blindness.
So, talk to me, Mefites.
This question is framed somewhat tongue in cheek. Most likely, the main reason I did not previously have a career was due to my undiagnosed medical condition. I currently have that under control and I think I will probably be fine when I get back in the relationship game, but, oh, gawd, this is messing up my mind at the moment so I am trying to get past these nightmarish visions of my life crashing and burning unless I embrace lifelong celibacy as my new religion. So I realize I am probably just nervous as hell from being alone for nearly a decade but feeling like I know what I am doing is the best antidote to the jitters, in my experience.