I turned him down. So why do I keep thinking about him?
January 18, 2014 10:16 AM Subscribe
I met someone online. Had a great date with him, but ultimately decided not to pursue things with him. So why can't I get him out of my head? And should I try again with him?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (21 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I met a guy online over a month ago and to say we hit it off is an understatement. We met in person and I had such a good time with him! I felt like I was talking to a great friend. But I didn't feel the "spark" that I had felt with guys I ultimately ended up dating. I didn't get any butterflies or any desire to rip his clothes off; he was just a really cool guy who I had a lot of fun talking to and getting to know.
He asked me out again the next day and I agonized over the decision. On the one hand: had a great time with this wonderful guy. On the other hand: felt more of a "buddy" kind of vibe. Should I go out with him again and see if attraction could develop over time? Or would that be leading him on? I ended up telling him that although I had a great time, I didn't think we had that kind of chemistry. He took it very, very well and wished me luck--and that should've been it, right?
The problem is that I can't stop thinking: Did I make a mistake? Did I make a rash decision? I've always gone for the guys I had that instant "zing" factor with and those situations ended up blowing up in my face, big time. Maybe this was more of a slow burn situation that could've been really good. I have a terrible habit of making snap judgments in dating/relationships--I either trust people way too quickly and then end up getting hurt, or I push people away before I can even give them a chance because I don't want to get hurt or whatever.
I've rejected people before and have never felt like this. Granted, there were red flags with those guys, so I never felt like I was "missing anything" by ending things with them. There was relief and I didn't really think about them much afterwards. With this guy there's just regret.
Should I reach out to him and tell him I'd like to try again and see how things develop (yes, I know full well that he might not be interested anymore, and I'd respect that)? If I do, how would I even phrase it? Or would that just be totally out of line and awkward, considering we only met up once and I was the one who turned him down?