Help me make date #2 less platonic
January 14, 2014 8:00 AM Subscribe
Met a girl for a first date, liked her a lot, am asking her on a second date. I don't know how to cross the boundary between platonic chitchat and flirting/kissing/etc. Help.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (34 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
Our first date was in a bar. The conversation flowed pretty well (she did most of the talking but that's natural because I'm a shy quiet type), we talked about our crazy families etc. and shared some laughs, and ended up hanging out for a lot longer than I expected for a first date. I enjoyed it and was attracted to her, but the conversation stayed on a totally platonic/asexual level, no different than what you'd have with a friend. That's OK for a first date but I'm worried the second date will go the same way because I don't seem to know how to change this kind of dynamic into something that's more romantic/flirty/datey/might lead to actual kissing. When we said good night she said "Well, I guess I'll see you again" and I got the feeling she was waiting to see if I would go in for a kiss, but I didn't because it felt too weird and awkward to just lean in and kiss her out of the blue without any kind of buildup that would lead to it naturally. How do I change this on date #2?
Two specific questions:
1. Ideas for a date activity that might make this easier? I feel like if we just sit in a bar again or get dinner and a movie it might just be a replay of date #1. Specific difficulty: she broke her ankle recently so anything that involves too much walking is out (she's off crutches and can walk OK as long as it's fairly short distances, but "romantic walk on the beach" is not on). (This also means we'll both be driving, so most likely the goodbyes will take place in the street rather than in a car or at her doorstep.)
2. What do I *say* that could help de-platonize the interaction? I've seen a lot of advice about non-verbal stuff like "hold eye contact longer than you normally would" or "touch her casually on the shoulder" etc., but I don't think I could bring that off naturally. I literally don't gesture at all when I talk so it would be weird to suddenly reach out and touch her, and why would you suddenly stare into someone's eyes in the middle of a conversation about movies? I don't want to spring any corny canned lines on her or anything, I was thinking more straightforward stuff along the lines of "Hey, I really like you", or things to that effect.
(Please no advice to the effect of "just drink more". I've tried this before and it really doesn't work.)