Almost 50/50 custody, and after a year of agreeing that we'd split the child tax credit, all of a sudden she announces that since she's pregnant with her new man's child, she's keeping all of it. Snowflake details inside - get ready for indigence.
posted by assasinatdbeauty to Human Relations (37 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My fiance and I share custody of his under 5yrs child with the mother - daughter gets bounced around a bit, but it essentially boils down to us having her 49% and mom having her 51%. Fiance and I have been living under a friend's roof for 2 years, it's not a great living situation, but the only one we have been able to afford. Daughter has had to live in our room with us. We now make enough that we could maintain a place of our own, the only obstacle is having that big lump sum for the security deposit (around here the standard is 1st and last month's, plus we'd need a bit extra to get basics like dishes, cleaning supplies, TP, the initial grocery shop, etc). He has no credit and mine is abysmal due to essentially losing everything before he and I met(escaping an abusive relationship FTW!), i'm still not able to start paying off CC debt (around 5k) yet, my credit score is around 520 now, used to be near perfect.
Child's mother knows this. It was a very volatile relationship to begin with, but for most of the past year we've been very friendly, her even going so far as to say i'm one of her best friends. Lots of time together, support, etc. She knew that our only hope of getting a place was splitting that credit. This isn't just for us, it's so that the daughter can have a real place and room of her own too. The way our bills go right now, saving up that huge chunk needed would take another year or more. To say that life has not been kind to my fiance and I is an understatement. Being able to get a place to live in that is our own has been what our sanity has been hanging on, that light at the end of the tunnel that kept us going through all the crap that kept knocking us down. Again, she KNEW all this.
A few days ago, my fiance gets a text message saying she's already filed, and that she has to "take care of her and her own" because she' pregnant, 6 months along, and is therefore reneging our year long agreement and keeping the entire child tax credit. Meanwhile, she and her boyfriend have a house, everything they need to live, he already has three kids, is on probation, and she chose to get pregnant with another child yet is claiming they need all the money. We have our clothes and our respective computers - nothing else to our name. That money was quite literally our ability to start a real life and provide a good, comfortable environment for the daughter to grow in and be able to start a real future together.
Adt'l info - they went to a mediator this year to establish support payments/custody in writing. He currently pays 50 a week, the mediator informed him that she would be legally be eligible for quite a bit more than that, which would be a massive financial burden to us.
We're not able to afford a lawyer in any way, shape or form, and my fiance's fear is that if we went to try to recoup some of the tax credit that she'd retaliate by taking him for the full amount of support the courts would make him pay, which would be near disastrous for us. We're dealing with a pregnant, hormonal, VERY immature young woman who displays bipolar and BPD tendencies.
On a personal level, we're now dealing with the fact that everything we've been working towards for the past 2 years has been brutally stripped from us, and i cannot begin to express how demoralizing it has been - akin to getting punched in the chest. The level of betrayal and lack of empathy she has presented is something we can't even begin to wrap our heads around. It's not the money itself - screw money - it's what it meant to us, for the significant betterment of our lives, after living in what is a combination of a jail cell/parents house for years. At present, there is no where else we can move to, as far as family or other friends are concerned.
Mefites, explode your advice at me! What the heck can/should we do?