I'm asking you a question.
January 10, 2014 10:12 AM Subscribe
I need help thinking of a response to this.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper to Human Relations (60 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
There are two types of scenarios in which I've been asked this. The first is when someone asks me a question that I find offensive, or that the answer is none of their business, such as "How many times have you had sex?" [a real thing that fucking douchebags have asked me before] or something equally offensive, and I say "I will not answer that."
The second is when someone has asked me a question and I'm thinking of the answer. Example: I was interviewing someone for a position at work.
Interviewee: When will I hear back?
Me: [Thinks about when I will be able to get back to him for roughly 3 seconds]
Interviewee: So when will I hear back? When will I hear back? When will I hear back? When. Will. I. Hear. Back?
Coworker: How many conveyer belts have we sold this month?
Me: [opening my mouth to answer]
Coworker: I'm asking you a question!
I think this is insanely disrespectful, and have ended relationships (not necessarily romantic ones, but sometimes. Acquaintanceships?) over being spoken to this way. I think that, first of all, just because you've asked me a question, that does not automatically entitle you to an answer, especially if your question is something that is none of your business/implying that I am cheating on you/other equally insulting thing.
Secondly, I think "what the fuck is your problem?" You can't wait a few seconds for me to think of the answer? I am not exaggerating when I say this happens after 3 seconds of deliberation. I mean, people pause before answering questions in conversations that I participate in all the time- teachers, colleagues, bosses, customer service representatives, whatever. So why is anyone saying this to me? When I ask someone a question and they don't answer the moment the question has come out of my mouth, I get that they're thinking before they respond, and have never, ever felt the need to say to someone "I'm asking you a question." (It would be different if they said "Enchanting Grasshopper?" if they thought I hadn't heard, or wanted to know why I wasn't answering or something, but that's not what they're doing.)
How do I respond to this? "I will not speak to you again because you just said 'I'm asking you a question'" is kind of a mouthful, and I think that it might not be necessary to end every relationship over it. I find it incredibly rude, and I never know what to say. If it makes any difference, I am a woman. 100% of the people who have ever said this to me are men.