How to deal with passive aggressive females?
January 8, 2014 11:59 AM Subscribe
There is a girl in my circle who has taken to completely ignoring me and making snide remarks in front of me. Let's call her J. For instance, I sat across J during dinner when our group was at a restaurant. J would talk to 1) the people next to her and 2) the people sitting next to me. She never once said so much as a word to me, and when I joined in a conversation J and other people are having, J quickly looks bored and turns away.
You'd think from her behavior, we're all in middle school. Nope, we are 21 years old and in college. This is also our church group (ha, ironic). I've pretty much ignored J's antics for the past 5 months, but since she hangs out with us a lot, it's becoming difficult to ignore. I'm wondering when she'll let the phase subside, and if I should even do anything?
posted by echoplasm to Human Relations (48 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm pretty sure I know why she's treating me this way, too. Back in September in the van , one of J's friends was being loudly obnoxious in the backseat. I turned around to see who was making the noise, then ignored it. My face must have had a look of disgust though, because J's friend subsequently became silent, and from that day onwards, J started giving me the cold shoulder.
No, I don't know why girls have to make mountains out of molehills. And even if this was somehow my fault, how would I apologize? "Sorry I gave your friend a look of disgust 5 months ago? I was tired that day and didn't want to hear your loud yelling at 9 a.m. in the morning?"
Also, she has taken to act overly sweet to my new friends (in front of me) with sycophantic comments like, "Oh, your sweater is so adorable!" , etc. Still doesn't so much glance in my direction.
This kind of thing is hard to confront, too. She will no doubt deny everything, not to mention spread her version of my confrontation among the group. For the record, I do not hang around the group much except with the few good friends within the group, but I don't want to avoid all future hangouts just because of J's passive aggressive behavior.