Dating someone but it's not as fun as I'd like it to be
January 6, 2014 1:30 PM Subscribe
I've recently had my fourth date with a guy that I met online. Whilst I feel a definite connection with him, and there's a 'spark' so to speak, I don't feel like we have loads to talk about, or that the conversation flows as naturally as it could, and I also don't feel like we have as much silly fun as I'd like to have. Is this the kind of thing that could grow with time...? More details below.
posted by pennywise_1 to Human Relations (21 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm in my mid-late twenties and he is in his mid-thirties. He lives about 50 miles away from me so whilst it's not too difficult to see each other, it isn't as easy as being in the same city.
Our first date was good, we got to know each other and had definite physical attraction. We slept together on the first date, though I don't believe this has any bearing on the short/long term potential of the relationship. He seems like an honest, genuine and caring guy which I really like, and I feel like I know him quite well already. We have a fair amount in common, but are also different in a lot of ways - nothing that would be a dealbreaker though.
So far our dates have been drinks/dinner and then staying at each others places but recently I went to his city for the weekend and spent two nights there and it was after this that I felt uncertain - maybe spending a whole weekend together was too much too soon.
The problem was that the whole thing just didn't flow that easily. The conversation was stilted at times. I've dated a lot and usually the dates I enjoy (not necessarily first dates, but say by the fourth date...) are the ones where we can just chat endlessly for hours and go off on all sorts of tangents. They are also the dates where we end up doing something unexpected, end up in stitches laughing, end up at home dancing in our pants. I don't know. I just didn't seem to have that kind of fun with him. It's was all just quite nice.
Aside from dates we have been chatting a LOT over text although I often feel we talk too much and we don't always have a lot to say to each other, it's kind of just irrelevant small talk and it feels like hard work to keep the conversation going.
I don't know where to go from here. I do like this guy but I want it all to be more fun, exciting, and I guess...easy?
Am I being unrealistic? Should I give it more time?
I realise we've only had a handful of dates and it's very early days. However, he seems quite serious about progressing this (e.g. he's invited me to his birthday dinner this weekend with 10+ of his friends) and that makes me nervous when I'm having these kinds of doubts.