There's a tiny dent in our basement door. Can this marriage be saved?
January 5, 2014 6:38 PM Subscribe
Is it necessary in a marriage to apologize for innocent mistakes like dropping a laptop?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (69 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
I know that I'm a bit disorganized/ADHD, but I think I'm a basically responsible person who gets a lot done and tries very hard to stay on top of things (my husband and I both work full-time and have a one-year-old, so there are a lot of things to stay on top of.) My husband used to find my klutziness and absentmindedness charming, but now it's apparently the worst thing ever and I am expected to apologize whenever I make a minor mistake, while it's okay if he snaps at me for said mistake. Some examples:
- Our old landlord threatened to withhold our security deposit because she didn't think that the place was clean enough (we're talking about things like a couple of burned specks on an otherwise clean stainless steel range). Everyone that I showed pictures to thought that it was perfectly clean, but I was blamed because I had hired cleaners, so it was my job to supervise the cleaners and they must have done a bad job if the landlord wasn't happy. He said that he "can't imagine dating" someone like me who "doesn't think you have to clean your apartment when you move out." (We got the whole deposit back in the end.)
- In the year after our son was born, I heard a lot about how wonderful I was for getting up twice a night to nurse him, dealing with all the breast pump chores, etc., but he still snapped at me over the slightest housekeeping mistake (forgetting to bring a wet diaper to the garbage when the diaper pail was full, etc.)
- Tonight, after we'd been fighting a lot over the last few weeks, we finally had a pretty nice weekend together. He said something funny, and I gave him a hug and kiss. The laptop he was holding fell out of his hands (he says I bumped his arm, I can't remember exactly how it happened) and dented the basement door before we caught it. He snapped at me, stormed off and lectured me about how I have to apologize.
I feel like this "you must apologize for innocent mistakes" thing is new and unreasonable. It's not like he doesn't make mistakes, probably just as many as I do, but it's just not in my nature to get angry about them. Is he being unreasonable, or am I?