Should I tell my boss about my miscarriage?
January 5, 2014 1:20 PM Subscribe
I was planning to tell my boss I was pregnant after the holidays. Unfortunately I underwent a delayed miscarriage at 13 weeks. I chose to go through the miscarriage naturally and it ended up happening over the Christmas holidays. I am physically almost completely better. I work for a startup and my boss is the CEO. Do I tell him what I have gone through when I return to work on Monday?
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (37 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Why I feel like I should tell him:
- I have upcoming doctors appointments related to this and it would be good if he understood why.
- I am still a bit emotionally fragile about this. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years and for this to happen, especially so late in the pregnancy, has been quite a blow and I'm still recovering emotionally. It might be good to have my boss' sympathy and understanding at this time.
- If the miscarriage had happened just a week earlier or two weeks later I would most certainly have (had) to tell him. It's only because of the timing over the holidays means that there is an opportunity (?) to act as if nothing happened.
Why I hesitate:
- As a woman in a small company and in an upper management position I don't know if this is "professionally" a good idea to tell him.
- I didn't want the boss to even know we were "trying" and I still don't as I fear it will change his perception of me and think I have a ticking expiration date. I am 34 so it's not like it would be unexpected but I purposefully try to build a persona at work that is "baby neutral."
- I have been with the company for a year and a half and have reason to believe my boss thinks highly of me - good reviews and a generous raise recently. It's not that I think telling him will make him think less of me, but it could change how he sees me and I don't know how and if it would be in a good way.
Other possibly pertinent information:
- I have two coworkers who know of my situation and they have been wonderful and I know will continue to be so I have some support at work for like a coffee break if I need one
- Husband is beyond amazing (along with good friends and family) so the support in my personal life is completely covered.
- My boss is a good guy.