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Another Okcupid profile review.
January 4, 2014 2:36 PM   Subscribe

Just started a new account. Maybe you guys can help me out?

I did my best making my profile seem informative and interesting. Here's my profile. I know it can be better though. I'm just casually looking for people with similar interests and a good sense of humor. Am I being too informative with my answers? How can I make them more interesting?

I know I can pick better pictures but I honestly don't have any right now. It feels weird to upload "selfies", I feel I always look awkward in them.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
posted by MeaninglessMisfortune to Human Relations (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Honestly your profile is one of the best one's I've seen so I wouldn't change it. Except you could consider adding a full body photo, and maybe ditch the black & white one but your call really.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 2:51 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]


I agree, this is one of the better profiles I've seen (and I say that as someone who was looking at a lot of 27 year old men on OkCupid last year). The first few days on a site like this are overwhelming. And eventually it becomes a numbers thing. Just make sure that your messages to people are as strong as your profile is, and I think you'll be fine.
posted by JannaK at 2:55 PM on January 4


Your second photo should be your first. You have a nice smile and welcoming eyes. Your main photo should not be of you wearing sunglasses.

Self-summary: Tells me nothing about you at all. This is the first paragraph and it's the first thing the other person is going to read. You like art, comedy and music? Great. So does everyone else. Let's stand out! This is your chance to inject a little personality. What do you love to do with an afternoon? What do you get excited about? What's the most common couple words you've heard others use to describe you?

Try ending it with something like, "I've been told that you can tell a bit about what a person is like from their favorite joke. So here's my favorite joke:" and then write out whatever your favorite joke happens to be. This whole section should be longer but no longer than two paragraphs.

What I'm doing with my life: Pad out the first paragraph a bit. You draw? That's interesting! People will be interested in that. Talk a little about what you draw. Do you have characters or whatever? Give them a quick summary of what one can expect from looking at your drawings.

Keep the last paragraph, but bear in mind that it's going to cut down on the number of responses you get. But, again, you should keep it.

I'm really good at: Cut "listening to podcasts" - even if you meant it as a joke, the sarcasm doesn't always come through in text. Keep "useless movie trivia." So, what else are you good at? Maybe one other thing. Something fun. Maybe you do a really good impression of a particular Muppet after a few drinks.

First thing people notice: Is fine.

Favorite books / music / movies / etc:
After "I don't have cable..." put in, "So if there are any newer shows you're getting into, I'd love to hear about them!"

Cut this sentence: "My taste is pretty eclectic and obscure but I enjoy everything."

After this: "Most artists I enjoy are mostly abstract and surrealist painters," list one or two.

Six things I could never live without: This part is fine.

I spend a lot of time thinking about: Add something else, too.

Typical Friday: This part is fine.

Most private thing: Everyone says they have no idea how to fill these things out. Stand out by changing it to something like: "I have no idea how to fill these things out. I realize everyone says that, and that it's not a very private thing, but like I said I have no idea how to fill these things out."

You should message me if: By itself, this is fine, but the problem is that none of your answers give a sense of who you're hoping to meet. The overall effect is kind of a passive one - "I'm not going to be here long, but I guess contact me if you want to, or whatever." This would be a good place to think of something you might like to do with a person you're dating - a museum you like or whatever. Just create a slightly less passive effect. Convey the sense that you're fun to be around.

And that's all. Enjoy!
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 3:08 PM on January 4 [2 favorites]


Yes, it looks really quite attractive and engaging! That is not a compliment handed out lightly to OKC profiles.

Since you're asking though, maybe you should expand on your plan to leave NJ or take it out altogether. If all other things were equal, I might be hesitant to message you because I'd think you were about to pack your stuff and leave town. Or I might raise an eyebrow if you messaged me and figure you were just looking to kill time with me before you leave.

Compare "I know I won't be here long" with "I lived on Krypton for a while, it was neat and I'd love to live somewhere with two moons again" or "I've always felt drawn to Gallifrey, I'd love to live in a place like that." You can communicate your wanderlust (or even, your strident desire to get the hell out of Dodge) without making it sound like you're going to bail right after the first great date.
posted by mibo at 3:09 PM on January 4 [2 favorites]


It's a good profile. I'd also swap the photos - sunglasses in your main profile pic is not the best, IMO. This is a bit nitpicky, but you have Simon's and Sammy's names spelled incorrectly.
posted by quince at 3:47 PM on January 4


I loved it. It said a lot about you. Good luck. I am a 27 female, who find my man on okcupid 3 years ago. Also I liked your picture.
posted by Jaelma24 at 3:48 PM on January 4


[Speaking as someone who met her husband on OKC:]

Looks good, better than most . . . My main comment is that answering the "most private thing" question with anything along the lines of having "no idea how to fill these things out" is totally lame and uninteresting, not to mention nonsensical. Sure, maybe you're terrible at this like all the rest of us (and maybe you can work that acknowledgement into some other section if you really feel the need) - but why on earth would this qualify as a private confession?

The entire point of this section is to mention something that might be a little weird or unusual (or even off-putting to people who are *wrong for you anyway*) - while being either neutral or perhaps attractive to the right people. Surely you are interesting enough to have SOMEthing non-lame for this section. (As Dr. Seuss is incorrectly credited with having said, "Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind".)
posted by paigette at 3:55 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]


Great profile. Also, I agree on swapping out the photos.

Maybe this is overly nitpicky, but consider capitalizing the sentences that aren't currently capped. To me, it comes across as either that you're not paying attention to detail or that it's deliberate and you think it's whimsical (it's not).

Beyond that, looks great. Good luck!
posted by _Mona_ at 4:17 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]


You sound appealing and normal. Mad props, that's like dating profile nirvana. I predict you will find someone you like very soon. :)
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 4:19 PM on January 4 [5 favorites]


Keep in the part where you say you want to leave where you currently live. People in major tri-state areas might think you have strong roots there and they might have to eventually move there too if it works out! So to know you are thinking of leaving is important.

Otherwise it's cool. I didn't look at all the photos but the first one seems nice. Good luck!!
posted by bquarters at 4:21 PM on January 4


It's great! If I was single and under 30, I'd message you. Swap the second picture for the first, and consider putting something ridiculous in the "most private thing about me" section ("I am heir to the Lawn Dart fortune, but don't like to talk about it due to an unfortunate series of lawsuits").
posted by scody at 4:25 PM on January 4


I see you changed some of the things based on comments. I thought it was great! In another universe - one in which I lived in New Jersey and was not already partnered - I would totally message you!
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:28 PM on January 4


This is all subjective, but...

1. I like the less-beardy photograph, with the larger smile. I would consider a) taking a photo where you imagine that you're smiling at someone you love (platonically, like a best friend or family member) or b) getting one of those folks to take a photo of you, that isn't a "selfie". Hell, if you draw so much, add a comic!

2. If you add more photos, don't include ones with sunglasses. You have bright, natural eyes and your expression is comforting and warm. Seeing the whole picture is everything.

3. Self-summary is good, as many of these activities sound like good "date" material. I would remove the thing about "long" conversations as for some reason it makes me feel like you might like talking too much, or dominating social interactions with topics that are less personal or intimate. I would consider leaving in some of it, but augmenting with a bit about how you enjoy getting to know other people -- as it makes you sound like a good listener.

4. What I'm doing with my life section is okay, but I would remove "classes" and instead say that you simply "studied" these topics. Classes sounds like a flippant hobby, or night school. It just has less cachet, even if you didn't complete school or certifications. In "working towards" it denies the fact that you are probably practicing these crafts each day. Focus less on your aspiration and more on the daily efforts you put towards these goals. "I make time to draw and create cartoons each day," and so forth. I would leave out the part about "digitally" and instead say that you like working in many mediums. It might be cute and flirty to add something about doing art projects together.

5. Don't use the phrase "day job". I would find some way to convey what you enjoy about your job, even though you have another aspiration. Even if it's the truth that you see non-profit as a paycheck, it doesn't give off a good impression. Say what you like about your job, beyond the pay. It's okay to acknowledge that you have other life goals, but this whole thing, by this point reads more like a resume than a dating profile.

6. I'm really good at section is best for highlighting your real talents -- such as drawing, art, etc. I would add something personal here instead of senseless trivia or impressions. Instead recharacterize as something like, "I am good at finding ways to weave humor into everyday life, making people smile in an earnest way."

7. Most people notice section shouldn't highlight your shyness. It just makes the girl feel like, or dread, the idea that she'll have to do most of the "work" of socializing on your first date, or that you aren't socially adept. If these things about you are true, start "practice" dating and get out more with new friends to help thin your "shell" a bit. Don't make it her burden, start working on these things now.

8. The favorites section seems fine, but I would put books, films and art before television, unless you're looking specifically for someone who considers television to be a hobby.

9. Six things. I like the list, but it doesn't seem to suggest that you have room for a love partner. Find a way to include something that suggests that flirtation, partnership and love are important.

10. I spend a lot of time thinking about next year.. Hrm. It is good to be aspirational, but it implies that you are not grateful for your current station in life. I would think of another option.

11. Admit something private. Go ahead. Your answer seems like a cop-out here.

12. Remove short-term dating. No one really wants that, in my humble opinion.

13. You should message me if section? Problem here. You haven't really displayed YOUR humor in any part of the profile, yet you are asking your respondent to be funny in their reply. I would try to start over with this, thinking on how you can be witty without using puns or humor degrading to others. If you are truly funny, let's see that side of you -- in a real sense. I worry from reading your profile that you're the sort of person who *thinks* they are funny, but aren't really. I'm sure that's not the case, but I didn't smile or laugh at anything you wrote, and I have a really open heart to those sorts of things. See what you can do to remedy this, especially if you are putting the onus on your respondent to write back to you with something clever.

14. Make sure your sentences are well-punctuated. Using lowercase letters in complete sentences is a turn-off for many educated women.

Best of luck. I think you have something to go on here, but you're right in that it needs a bit more work. You seem like the sort of guy who puts in daily practice towards your illustrating/cartoon goals, so this should be a cinch. Buy yourself a few good bottles of beer at the shop, watch an episode of P&R or 30 Rock, get your funny bone tickled and then translate that out on the page using your own sense of humor. Make the girl laugh, put some effort in. It'll be fabulous in the end.

I hope my recommendations weren't too narrow-minded or critical, but you did ask. Mind you, I am only one girl and I am married. For demographic purposes, I am early 30s, live in San Francisco and feel that I would have friends in your desired demographic.
posted by cior at 4:29 PM on January 4


I'm half-in-love with you already. Great profile!
posted by spunweb at 5:23 PM on January 4


Looks pretty good to me, speaking as a female in your age range. If I lived in New Jersey and we had a few more intersecting interests, I would probably message you.

Also, I like the "I'm shy at first" answer, going to disagree with cior on this one. Went on a few dates with a guy who put that down a while back and it was actually one thing that I liked about his profile. Being a somewhat shy person myself, if I see that someone else puts that then I feel like we might "get" one another.
posted by thesnowyslaps at 6:17 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]


It's pretty much perfect. I'd also put the beard photo first. And I'd drop the photo with the bottle of alcohol. It's the photo equivalent of a cliche, in my opinion. What about including a photo of a drawing you did? (Just a random idea.) If you really like the third photo, add a funny caption.

(I disagree with the comment saying you don't show your sense of humor. I got a good smile at a few bits of the profile.)
posted by salvia at 6:28 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]


Note -- I think our correspondent is revising his profile as comments come in. I'm not kidding when I say that the version I read was not as humorous. Heyy... at least he's open to suggestion, even if mine isn't as popular as others.
posted by cior at 7:06 PM on January 4


Confirmed. The version I commented on is not the one that appears now -- or even in a few hours from now. I'm sure my input now looks jerky in light, but who knows, glad you and others now find it funnier. Much agreed on everyone's part, our correspondent does appear to have many things going for him. Years from now, it will be nice to hear back about how the OKC thing netted him a great relationship.
posted by cior at 7:07 PM on January 4


Try thinking about the "something private" as something idiosyncratic about you rather than private-private. I've had stuff like "I don't get the appeal of Malcolm Gladwell," "I've never karaoked," and "I've been to Gibraltar." They're not private as in, I'm reluctant to share this with someone I don't know well, but private in the sense that you wouldn't guess these things about me even if you did know me well. It's another good spot to give potential dates a hook to hang some questions, offers, or compliments on.
posted by cocoagirl at 7:11 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]


You might want to consider shaving your beard unless you have a strong attachment to having a beard. I would also remove the scruffy beard picture. I like the clean shaven one, but I think you should find a similar picture, without the alcohol. I think shaving your beard might help you cast a wider net since beards are a huge turn off to many women I know. On the other hand, my friends who like beards aren't adverse to dating someone without a beard. I hope I don't sound petty when I say this. Your profile is really great otherwise and I love that you are smiling in your pictures.
posted by parakeetdog at 8:57 PM on January 4


As a woman in your target demographic who has read a million OKC profiles...

Redo your six things section. Putting middle level Maslow hierarchy of needs type stuff in there (family, friends) tells me nothing about you. Making a joke by putting things needed to live in there (food, water, air) is neither original nor funny and also tells me nothing about you. I roll my eyes every time I read one like that.
posted by unannihilated at 7:55 AM on January 5


Seriously, how cute are you! Totally agree about putting the hoodie-glasses photo at the main one instead of the sunglasses one.
posted by mochapickle at 9:34 AM on January 5


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