Girl of my dreams and I decided to not do long distance when shes abroad
January 3, 2014 1:31 PM Subscribe
Girl I've been dating for a few months, who is perfect for me, has left to go abroad for 10 months. We decided not to do long distance but to keep in close contact. I'm planning to visit her. I'm in this grey area where we are in an unlabeled, romantic friendship and care deeply about each other but due to distance and uncertainty of the future, we can't commit. I'm just scared we are going to lose our amazing connection and fall apart, so I need some perspective on how to keep close and be as intimate as possible in the face of this distance, and the freedom to date other people.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a very happy person. The last year I've been very happy with my life and myself but this girl had made it incredibly better. She's changed my perspective on love, and happiness, and human connection. All I want for her to be happy being herself. She is just so lovely, a warm and welcoming amazing personality.
We met about three months ago, and started dating 2 months ago. I entered this knowing she had received a teaching scholarship halfway across the world. We worked on the same floor, and grew very close, fast. We instantly connected physically and mentally. We get along so well, and we have such an amazing chemistry that she and I think we were made for each other. When we are together we radiate this positive energy, that people come up to us and congratulate us on our happiness together. Needless to say, it's unique and special - I've never felt this way with someone, and neither has she.
Well, this morning I dropped her off at the airport..
We stayed up all night together, talking, enjoying each other's company. I brought up to her the idea of a long distance thing. I told her that I'm not too keen on them, because since we've only bee dating for a few months, and a year is a long time, that I don't want to hold her back. I don't want her feeling tied down on her journey and end up resenting me. She agreed, and said she doesn't want spoken obligations. We don't even know where we will be at the end of the year, since both of us have grad school ambitions. It's not like we've been dating for a year, and she made these abroad plans after we met.
At the same time though, we both wish there was a way to ensure that we could get together in the future, and be committed to each other. She told me that she thinks we could be made for each other, and she hopes our paths intersect again, and that I make her so happy. She says people with this type of connection will always have it. Now I don't think she is thinking to herself, "I want my freedom so I can date other people." That's not her intention, but I know that it's probably going to happen. Just like I will most likely meet another girl, and have sex or date during the time she is away. But right now I do t want anyone else and I'm just scared she is going to meet someone and forget about me, or that we will lose our connection does over this long course of no physical contact with each other. Our entire dynamic might change and that worries me because I don't want to lose her.
We've agreed that I'll come visit her. It may be on 3 months and she told me that we will plan it once she figures out where exactly her teaching position will be, and when she plans to travel. So it might not be for a few months that we make these plans solid. And I worry about her meeting someone and changing before that happens. It would suck to visit her and not be intimate as be have been, if she's dating someone else. We also agreed to talk and communicate as much as we can and that she will see me, when we said goodbye. So I hope this isn't the end.
I just have this anxiety and sadness about the situation. She's really touched me, and there's so many positives about us. I should be focusing on that, and how lucky I am to have this chance to meet her and be with her in the first place. But I need some perspective and guidance as to how to process these feelings and come to grips with this.