Should I butt in or stay out of this?
January 2, 2014 4:36 PM Subscribe
I (Sa Dec) am asking this for a friend. My friend M.'s friend is in a life-threatening abusive relationship, but refuses to get help for it. Should M. tell her friend's family about the friend's situation or stay out? What should M. do to help?
posted by Sa Dec to Human Relations (19 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
** This is M.'s version of the story below: **
I have a girlfriend, Diane, who was severely disillusioned with her previous boyfriend so much so that she became involved with a female sometime after the breakup, we’ll call her Lynn…
Lynn has had a pretty rough life, was in the service and after a psychological breakdown, and was discharged from the military.
Diane and Lynn met at work, became friends and then became involved, going so far as moving in together and sharing their lives but it was never a smooth ride, as they were constantly arguing and Lynn became possessive, jealous with a pure rage that would turn into physical violence.
About 3 months ago, Diane was texting some of her girlfriends that Lynn had always found “threatening” and after a few glasses of wine Diane told her to get a grip and rather than calming down, she instead grabbed the bottle of wine and broke it on Diane’s head while smashing her face into the broken glass on the floor repeatedly.
After escaping her grip she tried to escape thorough the front door unsuccessfully and instead ran into the bathroom. Lynn then proceeded to chase her down, this time, with a knife and in a blind rage managed to get her arm through the door and started to swing her arm violently with the objective to seriously hurt her all while ranting about how to get rid of her dead body when she succeeds in killing her.
I told Diane that she should come stay with me for a few days after the incident and that she should press charges, she was lucky to be alive and should definitely seek and accept support to help see her though this. After much pleading with her, she did neither and she fell off the map. I only heard from her maybe 5 or 6 times since then. That was the first incident involving a knife as far as I know.
Last time I heard from her, on NYE, she tells me that she is in bad condition after having been actually stabbed three times. I immediately extend my help again and tell her not to go back. But she is starting to make up excuses and it looks like she is trying to avoid accepting anyone's help again.
She has a good family out of state that loves her very much but she was always the black sheep because of her rebellious nature. They know absolutely nothing of what is going on with her here and I am tempted to seek them out since she is putting herself in danger going back to the apt and possibly not pressing charges. I know she would see this as betrayal if I did do this, but I think she is handling the situation with this woman incompetently. I feel as though time is of the essence and that she is putting her life on the line. What should I do?