The realities of online dating in the UK?
December 29, 2013 7:53 PM Subscribe
I'm concerned that I might have unrealistic expectations of online dating, and that this might be why I'm not having much luck with it.
posted by toerinishuman to Human Relations (9 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I've seen people ask this question in regards to the US, but not the UK. I'm a straight woman in my late 20s living in London. I'm not British and have only been in the country for a few years.
I've been trying online dating on and off for roughly two years now (OKC, eHarmony, and Guardian Soulmates), but one of these two scenarios happen with each man: 1) I go out with a guy once or twice. I text him either the next day or the day after, but I never hear from him again. 2) I date one man for anywhere from a month to three months, but before we even get to the stage of sleeping together (mostly because I'm still struggling to work out the logistics of it since moving to a city as big as London), he breaks up with me because he doesn't think we click. I do think I click with these men - which is the reason I went out with them more than three times! And then the cycle of dating repeats.
I think that I might be difficult to get to know. I'm introverted but fairly sociable, which might be misleading, and, more importantly, it takes me a while to decide whether or not I like someone; I've also never gone out with someone from an online dating site who I've wanted to talk to/email/text each day. I've never had much luck in the way of romance, which I think is mostly because I'm bad at flirting and prefer to take my cues from the person I'm interacting with. I've never been a touchy-feely person, and it becomes worse when I'm dating someone who doesn't go out of his way to touch me.
For all these reasons, I was ready to give up on online dating, but today I found out that my brother actually met his fiancee through online dating (and not through friends as he'd originally told us). He's extremely introverted and a bit awkward... so now I'm wondering if I'm going into online dating with too high expectations of meeting someone that's a good fit for me. When people say online dating is a numbers game, is it normal to go this long without finding someone to be in a relationship with? Does a site like Guardian Soulmates work better for extroverted people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, or could someone like me still meet someone? Or should I give up trying to meet men this way and instead start joining groups on MeetUp or some other place?