help with post-break up coping?
December 29, 2013 1:08 PM Subscribe
i'm at break-up +3 months and could stand to re-up my mefite input as regards coping.
posted by fingers_of_fire to Human Relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
We were together for nigh on 4 years, co-habitating for the last 2.5. There wasn't really a last straw - rather, the work of our relationship just didn't feel worth it to me anymore. i suffered from severe relationship ambivalence for years - fed by her massively high stress levels and depressive nature - and i finally got decisive.
since then life has been roller coaster city, if generally trending upwards. we have had virtually no communication, occasioned by a spat that concluding with her issuing an emotional threat and me telling her she was incredibly important to me. the lack of contact is helpful but painful.
i tend to bounce around a lot emotionally, going from acceptance to regret and back fairly frequently. it's an overstatement to say that i second guess my decision, but i do feel extremely shaky and vulnerable at times, especially since we work in the same relatively small community - so i am often with people who are in contact with her. i feel self-conscious, judged, and super vulnerable - i'm constantly anxious that i'll bump in to her with a new guy, or else one of our mutual acquaintances will let something slip about that and it will devastate me. i'll feel abandoned - ironic, since i was the one who ended it!
other times - especially lately - i feel more resolute than ever - in fact, i kick myself for not ending it sooner!
just to throw in another symptom - as i go about my life these days, making (sometimes exciting) plans or looking forward to different things, i become convinced that something is destined to go horribly wrong. it's strange because, before the break-up, i always felt depressed that i would never have the opportunity to do things that i care about - our temperaments were so different that i ended up compromising parts of myself that i never wanted to compromise. i totally lost myself.
i spoke with many people (including friends, family, a therapist and the good people of AskMe) and received a lot of encouragement that i had worked very hard on the relationship, i had though it through, and i had sound reasons for leaving. but this emotional profile of late is wearing me out. have you had similar experiences? does it mean that i made a mistake? what did you do to cope?