Sex and intimacy and emotional connection
December 28, 2013 6:20 PM Subscribe
For the last odd month, I have been getting together with this guy and having really enjoyable/intimate/fun sex together. He just wants to be friends, but I'm half trying to convince myself that it could be/will be more, eventually. I just don't get it, how can the sex be this lovely with no emotional attachments on his side?
posted by Ocellar to Human Relations (43 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
One night, while I was at a dinner party with a handful of people I had recently met, I ended up kissing this guy who I had thought was really attractive and who I had met in group settings a few times prior, but who I did not know particularly well.
A week later, at another event, we ended up kissing again. The next week he came over and a few days later, he came over again and has been over a few times since. We hang out, maybe make dinner together and then have sex. The sex with him is good, like, really good. He is sweet and tender and affectionate and caring in bed, more so than anyone I've been with before, even people with whom I've been in LTRs. He's just really passionate and lovely in that way... and the thing is, I think the good sex has really fucked with my head.
After we had hooked up a couple of times, he told me he wanted to be honest with me and that he only saw me as a friend right now but we could see how it goes, I was a little bummed but told myself that it was ok, and that I would be fine with this since I still don't actually really know him that well.
Fast forward a few weeks later and we are both in our respective home towns for the holidays. I've been e-mailing him regularly and texted him a few times and his responses have been slow in coming and lukewarm. A part of my is kicking myself because he told me he just thought of me as a friend but for some reason I have managed to blow this whole thing up in my head to something that it's not, and am sitting here with a sort of sick and lonely feeling in my stomach because it's been over six hours and he still hasn't texted me back.
I know this probably sounds stupid, but a part of me tried to convince myself that he actually did feel emotionally involved but was just afraid of admitting it to me, which I acknowledge is sort of ridiculous and which I think is where this blowing this whole thing out of proportion thing in my head happened.
The thing is, I don't get it, how can he do that?! I mean how can you have such lovely, tender, eye-gazing, smiling sex with someone without getting emotionally attached? (also for what it's worth, I believe that he is genuinely a nice/polite/decent guy outside of the bedroom, too).