Great friend I grew up with passed away. Can't make his funeral.
December 26, 2013 5:51 AM Subscribe
A great friend of mine passed away. I can't make his funeral in another country tomorrow, and feel really guilty. Should I/what can I do?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total)
I met him when I was 8, and I'd spend every spare hour I had with him, till I moved away to another country when I was 14. We still kept in touch and holidayed every other year or so. While we were growing distant in the last year or so and not being into the same things any more, I still loved being able to see him. I last saw him in August, and he said we should really go on holiday soon because he felt he had a lot to tell me. I think I always just assumed once I was settled, lifewise, I could make up for lost time with him, and that he'd be around, meet my kids or whatever. He drowned while swimming in the sea next to which we grew up, on Christmas day at 5am. I found out a few hours later. His family's Muslim, and Islamic custom states that the burial has to happen as soon as possible, and I'm home from unviersity for the holidays but left my passport at my university town flat. I was up all night last night seeing if there was a way that I could go there, come back and still get a flight from England to India and make the funeral, tomorrow morning, but it all seemed like I was cutting it fine, and would cost about 2 and a half grand, money that neither me or my family can cough up that easily. If I'd brought my passport with me, like I always did, it would've been a lot easier to make the funeral.
I feel quite beat up and an idiot about having left my passport at university, and I don't really know what to do. The idea of sitting here, twiddling my thumbs during the funeral of someone who was one of the biggest people to my life feels really strange. I've spoken to his father, sister and brother, and from the sounds of it at least, I don't think they were expecting me to be able to make it, but the phone calls were quite rushed and I can't really tell. Should I go anyway, even if I miss the funeral, and just be around? Is it fine to just wait, and eventually visit him where he was buried? I think his brother said that he'd try and call me with his sisters around once things are less hectic, but I don't know.