Messy Breakup Advice
December 23, 2013 1:02 PM Subscribe
I'm trying to make a full break from my significant other. Things get messy because we currently share a home, I feel that he is verbally and borderline physically abusive, and I am expecting a baby in about 8 weeks. I have been intermitently sleeping in hotels or couch surfing, but am having trouble sleeping well. My significant other SAYS he has moved out so I have a quiet place to stay while trying to find alternative housing, but would you go back?
posted by Kalmya to Human Relations (24 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Sooo this is the VERY extended version: Moved in with a seemingly wonderful guy in May. Got kidney infection shortly there after and ended up pregnant. The relationship was not THAT well established at that point but I was in love so, hey, what the heck, why not live the dream and have a beautiful baby with a wonderful man?
You can skip this paragraph: It's mostly about how I ended up 8 month pregnant and in a seriously sketchy situation. Anyway cut to a few months of being exhausted and pukey which distanced me from a lot of my normal friends/activities and significant absence of SO for summer work. This period was followed by a few weeks of fighting and me quasi considering moving out. Then I found out the baby was 'abnormal' in a number of ways. Cut to a few months of me not doing ANYTHING but freaking out about whatever test results came back as to baby's possibilities of being normal. I did not really engange in the relationship with my SO or any friends or activities. Just freaking out and a mild amount of work as a distraction (I'm a grad student). Anyway once the flurry of weird news ended, I started to re-engage in my life. The baby may or may not have severe mental/neurological/genetic disabilities but they're pretty sure he will live. But this is not my current problem.
My SO and I began disagreeing on EVERYTHING. Money, where to put a nursery, when I got home from work. I felt like I had no say in my home (his house I moved into), and felt like he was controlling about what activities we did and when I saw my friends. Our arguments got more and more heating. SO likes to air whatever 20+ problems he has with me at one time. I like to address one thing at a time and find a solution. No solutions were ever really reached and I just shut down and waited for him to stop yelling at me. Then I started just walking out. Which let to him holding me down and yelling at me more. Anyway that's the borderline abusive part. But we fundamentally disagree about money, time spent together, lifestyle etc. In conclusion, live with someone before you make a baby. But since that boat has sailed:
I am currently afraid to go home. The last time I was there my SO was so angry he announced that he wanted his coat back. I've been borrowing it since mine are currently too small. I took it off and he realized I was attempting to leave in 20 degree weather with no coat. At which point he blocked the door and physically held me down and put the coat back on me.
Anyway I am currently trying to find permanent housing of my own. It will likely take me a couple weeks. I am not completely broke - but I was hoping to keep my savings for day care or whatever special treatment a special needs child will require. I am an incredibly light sleeper while pregnant, and have only been sleeping a few hours a night in hotels or on friends couches. Technically, the relationship is not abusive enough to be hurtful or illegal or whatever and SO says he won't come back. Would you go home?